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Chapter 742 Psychological tug-of-war (2)

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    ?

    Following Qing Yunfei's words, Chu Lihua's heart sank a little.

    Although Qing Yunfei is obviously afraid of change, but he is right in one sentence - Jiangshan is easy to change and nature cannot be changed.

    Chu Lihua took a deep breath, allowed herself to calm down for five seconds, then let out a breath slowly, and spoke again.

    ——"The pain of change, I have a deep understanding now, it is like a stone that wants to become a better statue, it must go through thousands of cuts. If it can scream pain, then it will definitely tremble with pain  .

    However, the truth in the fable is still valid.  After a simple sanding, it will always be just a paving stone.  But if it is carefully crafted, it may become a statue admired by thousands of people.  "

    ——"If you're looking for that kind of person, why bother with me in the first place. What you have to do is to accept the fact, not try to change me."

    Qing Yunfei's tone was not good again.

    ——"Baby, from the beginning, I just wanted to change myself, but later I found out that we can reach the pinnacle of a happy marriage only if we make progress together."

    ——"Could it be that this is the only major event in life?"

    Qing Yunfei didn't care——

    "Of course not, but it's the cornerstone.

    Maslow defined scarcity as the lack of basic needs, and there are four basic needs: physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love needs, and self-esteem needs.

    It is this basic need that the marriage relationship contains.  And what I lack, can be said to be the need for belonging and love.  And this requires your cooperation, so that I can escape from the sea of ??suffering.

    However, I personally think that Maslow's investigative research cannot explain the deep logic, while psychoanalysis can give a very subtle explanation.

    From the perspective of psychoanalytic theory, I am still in the most primitive omnipotent narcissism. I think that my needs must be met, otherwise narcissistic rage will be born.

    At the same time, I also feel that the world should have an object that can satisfy me infinitely, just like a baby is imagining that there should be a "perfect breast" that can satisfy all his needs.  And you are my perfect fantasy.

    Because of various special reasons, the satisfaction I got at first was too little, so I couldn't admit reality, but had to live in a lonely imaginary world. Imagination can still satisfy me, but reality can only make me feel hopeless  lack of.

    However, since I met you, my world has changed drastically.  My change needs your support, so I implore you, go on the road with me, okay?  "

    ——"Since you say that, then I will help you go on as hard as you can."

    Qing Yunfei is obviously a person who prefers softness to toughness. As soon as Chu Lihua softened and became attached to him, he let go of his erected hedgehog spines.

    ——"Husband, thank you! Those who can live in the cognition of existence and the value of existence are mostly because their basic needs are met, so they don't need to be attached anymore.

    After having you, I don't have to be persistent anymore.  Of course, many people are at a critical point. At this time, awareness and proper satisfaction can help them transition from lack of cognition and lack of value to existence cognition and existence value.

    I am in this state now, and I only need you to cooperate with me properly, and gradually I can get out of the original shadow.

    Speaking of this, I also want to say to me who is not yet self-realized: Don't blame yourself, take your time.

    Well, let's return to the topic just now, and then talk about the last seven characteristics of the fourteen personality characteristics of self-actualizing people summarized by Maslow.

    After withdrawing for a long time, I guess you don't remember what I said earlier, right?

    Let me take you to review the first seven, which are:

    1. Accurate and full understanding of reality

    2. Tolerant but jealous

    3. Be completely open to your own experience

    4. Be problem-centered, not self-centered

    5. Detached and independent character

    6. Do not believe in authority and culture

    7. Fresh and timeless appreciation

    Now, we start the eighth.

    The eighth trait is real social emotion.

    Autonomous people with this personality trait have a universal compassion, they seem to understand the situation of all people, and they have a strong and deep sense of identification and compassion for all people.

    They can openly look at the strengths and weaknesses of their loved ones.

    People who are not autonomous are easy to split. Some people who are not autonomous will love their relatives very much, but they are very cruel to others.

      People like this mostly appear in overbearing dramas.  I don't know if you have seen it or not.

    Let's first talk about the ninth personality characteristic, deep interpersonal relationship.

    This relationship is pure love of being, not love of lack.  They tend to seek out other self-actualizing people to be friends with, and there is little control and conquest in their love, nor is it imposing.

    I once saw a statistic that love homicides accounted for one-third of homicides around the world, and the logic of love homicides sounds strange.

    For example, a man kills his lover on the grounds that "I love her too much", which is a kind of lack of love.

    What he loves is the satisfaction of his lover, not the lover himself.  He never regarded his lover as an independent person, but as a tool that must satisfy him.

    If you are not satisfied, destroy it.

    This kind of news is also very common.

    The tenth is the democratic style.

    People with this personality trait, they can see the uniqueness of each person, and can get along with anyone with similar personality as equals, as if they are not aware of differences in race, age, education, religion, etc.

    Even at the age of 70, you can be friends with children and treat children like adults.  At the same time, they did not deliberately despise authority when they were young.

    Many psychiatrists believe that treatment is a model, and as long as one set of treatment methods is mastered, many people can be cured.

    However, Maslow believes that the following psychiatrist is the best:

    This therapist will treat each patient as a unique person in the world.  Free of jargon, expectations, and preconceptions, he possesses simplicity, innocence, and brilliant intelligence.

    Each client is a unique person to him, so he understands and solves entirely new problems in entirely new ways.

    Even in very difficult cases he achieved great success, which testifies to the "creativeness" with which he did things.

    This psychiatrist is not special. Every autonomous person has this attitude, which is to treat everyone as a unique person in the world.

    But now driven by economic interests, there are fewer and fewer such psychiatrists, so I am more inclined to self-treatment.  "

    After Chu Lihua finished speaking, she looked at Qing Yunfei with a harmless face.

    ——"There is one more thing you didn't say. You didn't seek a psychiatrist because you were poorpoor."

    ——"Those who know me are also my husband."

    ——"You like this make me no longer afraid that you will abandon your husband and son because of money." (Remember the website address of this website: www.hlnovel.com
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