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Chapter 741 Psychological tug-of-war (1)

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    ?

    Qing Yunfei suddenly put both hands on Chu Lihua's shoulders, interrupting her continuation, she turned to look at him.

    ——"You continue, I just suddenly feel that you make me a little afraid of losing, so I can't help but catch you first."

    ——"Fool, I have long been the monkey grandson in your palm, and I will never escape from your palm.

    Let's talk about the peak experience while you and I are so focused.  It is a satisfying and perfect experience that goes to the top, transcends time and space, and transcends oneself.

    During the peak experience, people will have a kind of existence cognition, which is different from the general cognition. This kind of experience seems to be integrated with the universe. It is a moment of self-affirmation, a state of transcending self, selflessness, and selflessness.  .

    In this state, whether it is studying or doing other things, you will be in an excellent state of unity of body and mind.

    Maslow summed up six characteristics of peak experience, which are:

    the suddenness of the occurrence;

    The degree of profundity, intensity;

    the perfection of feeling;

    the universality of existence;

    Structural identity;

    The short-term nature of the maintenance.

    The peak experience is actually the collision between the essence of "I" and the essence of other beings. Maslow put forward the concepts of b-value and d-value for this.

    The so-called b value is the existence value.  Autonomous people understand not only themselves, but also others and nature. They can appreciate everything with a child-like heart, and they can watch a thousand sunsets without getting tired.

    The value of d is the lack of value.  Involuntary people need others and external objects to satisfy them, and they impose some meaning on them according to these needs.

    When the need is lost, the value of others or external objects to him will disappear, and "aesthetic fatigue" will also arise.

    That is to say, b value is a person who sees the value of the thing itself, and d value is a person's need based on his own lack, and then judges the other party with his own needs, and assigns the value to the other party.

    It may sound abstract, let me give a simple example.

    A man falls in love because he is lonely.  At first, he "feels" for lovers because they fill his loneliness.

    But when the loneliness disappears, this feeling also disappears, and the so-called "aesthetic fatigue" arises spontaneously.

    What he sees is the "use" of his lover to him, which is a kind of lack value.  He did not see the original beauty of his lover as a woman or a person, and that is the value of existence.

    In the same way, the same is true for work.  What autonomous people see is the meaning of work itself, which is the value of existence.  What nonautonomous people see is the "benefit" of work, which is lack of value.

    But when the lack is satisfied, the non-autonomous people feel that the work is getting less and less interesting, while the autonomous people will not feel this way.

    If we summarize the above points, we will see that the biggest difference between self-actualizing people and non-self-actualizing people is that the former can surrender to the truth of other people and other existences, while the latter are trapped in their own narcissistic imagination.  .

    In this regard, my personal understanding is that a person with independent personality is a person who fully lives himself out.  As a result, the fully seen person can also see other people and the outside world very well.  When the "I" is fully seen, the real existence of the "You" can also be seen.  "

    ——"Chu'er, can this being fully seen be understood as being completely empathized by others?"

    ——"Big baby, I'm finding more and more that you are really too smart, you can understand everything. We are not only life partners, but also spiritual partners!"

    Chu Lihua looked at Qing Yunfei with bright eyes.

    ——"Don't give me these vain brains, and quickly talk about the remaining needs."

    Fortunately, Chu Lihua has gotten used to Qing Yunfei's duplicity as soon as she is moved by the true feelings. She sorts out her thoughts a little, and then continues to create spiritual food for Qing Yunfei and her solitude.

    ——"As we mentioned before, Maslow's seven-layer needs are divided into two categories. The lower first four layers are called basic needs, also known as scarcity needs.

    Let me tell you a little more about the need for scarcity.

    According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, when basic needs are lacking, people's psychological energy will focus on pursuing these basic needs.

    For example, when physiological needs and safety needs are seriously lacking, the pursuit of them will become the first priority, after all, it involves life and death.

    That is to say, when the dead energy becomes an overwhelming force, ?The pursuit of survival resources has become what people most desire.

    The need hierarchy theory is very explanatory, so let's talk about lack of needs, lack of cognition and lack of value from the perspective of psychoanalysis.

    After reading a lot of books, I found that some people with very low levels of development of psychological function and realistic function have such a problem: they think that the world should conform to their imagination, so they can't respect reality, but always want to put their imagination into reality.  imposed on reality.

    For example, there is a woman whose interpersonal relationship is in a mess because she has such a psychological logic:

    I am very short of love, so others must love me;

    Who doesn't love me, I hate him;

    When I hate someone, I must express it;

    Why not express it?  Everyone should love me, if he doesn't love me, of course I will attack him.

    I believe you can hear the problem in this logic at once, and I once became that kind of person, but I am more reserved and keep many things in my heart.

    Later I realized that others have no obligation to love you, so now I am full of gratitude to you.  Thank you for being so kind to me.

    However, I also saw your problem from it. Maybe I am too one-sided. I will express my thoughts first, and you will refute them later.  okay?

    As far as you are concerned, being angry at every turn is your only shortcoming, which can easily damage interpersonal relationships. The lady in the case just now did not have any friends.

    She can know what is going on in reality, otherwise she would not be looking for books to read everywhere, looking for the possibility of self-breakthrough.

    She knew that she always lost her temper and attacked others, which caused her poor interpersonal relationship, and this brought a series of problems, but whenever she talked about this problem, she would say in her heart: "I just need love,  Why don't they satisfy me?"

    Believe me, I can also tell that this lady has my shadow to a large extent.

    Let's work together to change and create a beautiful relationship model that belongs to us, shall we?  "

    ——"It is said that the country is easy to change and the nature is hard to change. I think that no matter how much you and I analyze now, there will be no change afterwards.

    Since we love each other, we should all understand each other's shortcomings. After all, no one is perfect.  You don't always live in a fairy tale world.  "(Remember this site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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