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Chapter 1 Gray Childhood

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    I was born in a poor worker's family, and I have deeply experienced the hardships and helplessness of life since I was a child.  The clothes on my body are all made by my mother herself.  When I was young, I was ignorant and thought that floral cloth was beautiful, and I regarded other people's strange eyes as envy. My mother always told me this way: You see how much people envy you, and look at how beautiful this floral dress is on you!  As I grew older, I gradually understood what those eyes represented.  I hate that look, I hate my stupidity of not distinguishing between beauty and ugliness.

    No matter how hard my parents work, they will not make a lot of money.  Dad has always been a wimp in the eyes of others. Apart from lamenting his bad luck, he never dared to face reality.  So he is always humble in front of his young and beautiful wife. His greatest ability is to insult and beat his son when his wife is not at home.

    I remember that in the first semester of the first grade of primary school, I came home with the report card that I had just passed. When my father saw the pitiful 60-something score on the report card, he immediately became furious: "You little bastard, you ****  Where did all the books go? You read until eleven or twelve o¡¯clock every day, wasting my electricity on hatching birds?¡±

    I cringed in fear of my tall and thin body, lowered my head, and kept silent, not daring to breathe.

    "Look at your virtue, you can't even fart." Dad suddenly picked up the red student handbook on the table and threw it at it.  Although the booklet was very thin, it still made a small hole in the corner of my eye. I covered it with my hands while grinning, watching my father's ferocious and ferocious face with innocent eyes.

    "Damn it, you still dare to stare at me!" Dad rushed over like a mad dog, stretched out his hand and slammed me on the head.  He was born in iron, and his arm strength is extraordinary. The strength in this hand is beyond what a brat like me can bear.  As the saying goes, the chicken is flying with the egg, and the dog jumps over the wall in a hurry.  In a daze, I instinctively grabbed the hand that my father waved again, and suddenly bit down hard.  His hands retracted convulsively, ignoring the blood from the bite wound on his hands, he cursed and beat him even more crazily, he still seemed to feel that the beating was not enough, he suddenly grabbed the half of the cigarette butt sticking out of his mouth and threw it at my immature  Burn it hard on your arm.

    Chi Chi The flesh was burnt, and puffs of white smoke rose. For the first time in my life, I smelled the smell of my own burnt skin.

    "Ah" I screamed with all my strength and wept bitterly.  Dad was stunned for a moment, and suddenly he seemed to wake up from a nightmare, and stood there motionless in a daze.  I survived my death and fell limp to the ground.  After a while, my father squatted down, looked at me with complicated and resentful eyes, and wanted to reach out to help me up.  I curled up in the corner in fear, bit my lip, and refused to approach this extremely cruel father.  The excruciating pain caused me to faint for a while. My father hurriedly carried me back to the bed, checked the wound a little, and found that there was nothing serious, just a little flesh injury.  I awoke to find myself sprawled out on the crib.  It was dark, and the room was so dark that you couldn't see your fingers.  There was the sound of crackling and smashing things outside, followed by mother's shrill, high-pitched yelling.

    "Why did you beat your son like that? You have the nerve to make trouble outside! You look like a bear outside! When you come back, you will only vent your anger on the child." The mother scolded fiercely.

    "He just passed the exam, and he doesn't even have enough money to buy pencils. Can I not play? He is only in the first grade now. If he is not strictly disciplined, what will happen in the future?" Dad plausibly  In his opinion, it is only natural for a filial son to be born under the stick, beating or scolding is love.

    "At least he passed the exam, better than you idiot. You don't take a picture of yourself first, but take a look at your own virtues. What skills do you have? How many words do you know?  Yue, with that little salary, you dare to come back!" A woman will always know where the most painful part of a man is, and then find the weakest point and step on it with the most vicious and vicious force until it is crushed.

    "My son doesn't need you to take care of me, you can't even take care of yourself! Who do you care about? If I were you, so shameless and skinless, I might as well die. I'm really blind.  Strong." I lay quietly on the bed, imagining my mother's quarreling face, she was very scary when she was fierce, and even a beautiful woman was equally ugly when she was angry.  Dad's sophistry disappeared immediately, and I knew that my mother had sealed his mouth tightly with her nirvana.

    There was a tightness like a pain in my arm, which made me hate my father even more. The relationship between our father and son also began to weaken from this time, but some inexplicable feelings still remained deep in my heart and could not be expressed.  I didn't understand it when I was a child, but I realized it was compassion and sympathy when I grew up.

    mineWhen I was very young, just turned seven, I couldn't hold back the tears that burst out of my eyes, and said to myself in the mirror, don't cry, crying is useless, when I grow up, I must make my father regret it.  As I was talking, I burst into laughter while keeping tears in my eyes.

    Later, I always suspected that I was suffering from schizophrenia, and since then I have become a weird person who laughs and cries.

    In the following years, my father always believed that he was right to hit me.  Because my academic performance has been surprisingly good since then, and I have always been among the best in school.  The good results of my studies have also brought me many unexpected honors, such as being able to paste the broken wall of our house with the certificate I received.  Dad also triumphantly told others how he successfully educated his son on the road to success.  Having been mediocre all his life, he finally had something to be proud of. He often said nonchalantly in front of his colleagues and neighbors that my son got the first place in the exam again.  Others expressed envy on the surface, but behind their backs they kept laughing at him as a fool, so lucky to marry such a young and beautiful wife and raise such a good son.  The more vicious idlers said, why did that young and beautiful woman marry such a wimp like him?  I'm just other people's bastard and gossip.

    Sometimes this world is really perverted. When I can't have it, I will slander others and use the most vicious language to slander others.  Saying those vicious words seems to give me some pleasure.  When I grew up, I realized that the excellent grades in my studies at that time were just the self-consolation of Ah Q¡¯s spiritual victory method for my family, and it could not change the essence, just like what Su Shi wrote in "Shui Tiao Ge Tou" "  I want to ride the wind and go home, but I am afraid that the high places will be too cold.¡± In key schools, there are not many children who are at the bottom of this kind of society, and most of them have parents with high-ranking officials and rich salary behind them.  , or the children of successful businessmen.  A child like me is as humble as a straw among them.  I try to keep a low profile and don't want to get in touch with others.  In addition to reading, I always silently watch others from the sidelines.  Maybe many scholars in the past were as arrogant as me. It is useless to read well. The important thing is whether you have this status and make friends with people in the upper class.

    The head teacher didn't seem to like me very much, maybe because my parents didn't bring her any benefits and arranged me to sit in the corner of the classroom.  It was just what I wanted, to be able to sit in the back and watch people secretly without being noticed.  Except for a strange name called Yang Haozhong that everyone will hear during the final exam, no one will notice the withdrawn boy who wears a navy blue school uniform that is not clear whether it is dirty or not.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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