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(failed to recognize the pain
did not learn to love
Death is strange to us
The veil has not been lifted yet
Only the singing on the earth is like the wind
In praise, in cheers-
Rilke: Sonnets to Orpheus)
Ninety-eight
"One has two and three children, four has five and six children. Seven has eight and nine children, all Indian children"
Joan turned on the stereo, it was a disc left by her son, playing some distant and lovely children's songs of the game, she turned it off.
After taking a bath, she wore a loose nightgown and walked around the unpopular home. Everything in the family is a little strange, as if this life is not hers, she has never lived this life.
Li Renneng's words echoed in her ears like witch words: "Time is merciless, and one day life will become exhausting"
The only her secret in the house is the mirror. There are mirrors everywhere in this house, large and small mirrors are on the walls, cabinets, and everywhere she looks up and down. Every woman is as mad as the Queen of Egypt in obsessing over her own beauty and charm.
This beautiful woman, in her countless solitary hours, fantasizes and is self-sufficient by looking at herself in every mirror. Different angles and lighting, her appearance and expression are different. At times like that she imagined herself to be anywhere¡ªbut all alone, with secrets, loving thoughts, and sorrows.
(The face in the rain, the dream of yesterday, when I raised my head, the fallen leaves fell one after another, and when I lowered my head, the water droplets drowned me.
In the black lonely autumn, from this street to that street, those mud-spattered shoes keep coming and going. However, the world teased mercilessly, turned around and forgot them all.
Meditate under the purple umbrella, stop in the moist heart, a little sad, but must hold back, like a dove)
She can't go on like this anymore. Time is short, and time is like flowing water that never returns, she can't let herself become a little sad bubble in the flow of time
(Speaking of foam, Joan thought of her favorite fairy tale all the time, which was Hans Christian Andersen's "The Daughter of the Sea." In the depths of the distant sea, the water is so blue, like the petals of cornflowers, and like blue glass " She always wanted to be her¡ªthat little mermaid. She was willing to be like her, for the happiness of her loved ones, she would rather lose 300 years of her life, turn into bubbles, rise in the sun, disappear in the transparent in the air
It can be seen that the love of fairy tales is also a secret of women, just like Ai Ai loves "Sleeping Beauty", so far she has been single and longed for the appearance of a "prince" who loves her, but Luo Zi has always been unwilling to "wake her up" . )
After wandering at home for half an hour, finally, a decision made Joan cheer up again.
In the sundry drawer, there are various household appliances purchase tickets, medicines, her and Zhang Han's marriage certificate, household registration booklet, etc., are also mixed in it.
Holding the little red book, she felt disgusted as if she was forced to hold a monster. When it was opened, the group photo of her and Zhang Han at the registration office of the Civil Affairs Bureau was severely deformed, and the man and woman standing shoulder to shoulder looked like two idiots. It must be fate, the hand of fate pulled her away.
It is a distant physical evidence, now, almost forgotten.
The eyelids are slowly rising, the curtains have faded, a blushing face is gradually moving away, and pure smiles are floating around. Mistakes, nothingness Remember, in the spring, a bed took over the whole room virginity, water, flowers, fragments of clay pots women walking shyly, belly full, walking across the street in the twilight of no one
a child is born in the night.
Zhang Han spends the whole day shopping on the streets, and often runs long distances to Dongguan and Zhuhai.
Without anyone's help, after leaving the hospital, she listened to the baby's cry alone night after night. The dawn is dark and cool, and the baby's eyes are bright. The curtains are closed, the room is full of dim light, and the day is arranged into night, with endless dreams The process of light, the process of water A woman's heart is never inhabited. She holds her baby and holds his pink double Feet, in her soft palm, are the only comfort.
In a certain corner of the empty room, the evening primroses bloom quietly. When their petals burst, there is a slight sound, and the light yellow cigarette floats out, blending into the loneliness of the woman and the warmth of the baby's frankincense
The woman held her baby all night, at the window, singing to him, all the songs she had ever sung to herself. The baby's eyes were wide open, listening intently, without sleep for a long, long time ?The son has grown taller again, and already has the expression of a teenager, and his gestures show some independence and self-confidence that he has never had before.
They sat under a palm tree by the sea. The sun on the sea was shining golden, and they all squinted.
"Son, there will be some changes in our lives" Joan said carefully.
"You want to go abroad?" The boy looked at her with wide eyes.
"No. Rather, Mom and Dad are going to separate."
"Are you going to get a divorce?"
"Son, you know, even if mom and dad are married and have children, if they no longer like each other and have no feelings for each other, they will feel painful when they are together again."
The boy did not speak.
"Of course," she added, "it doesn't affect their love for their children."
She looked at him nervously. He has a lot of down on his face, as well as on the tip of his nose. The hair is a little yellow, thin and soft, and under the thin skin are tiny red blood vessels.
He was the life in her life. How handsome and perfect he will be in the future!
"It's okay, Mom," he said, "but I'm asking you not to leave me¡ªuntil I go to college."
His calmness surprised her and made her heart ache. She put her arm around his shoulder and kissed his forehead: "I won't leave you, son, I love you!"
The boy lay on his back in the sand while his mother sat thinking.
"Mom, don't you take a break?"
"I'm resting, son!"
"Mom, I came back from home last time and found a notebook in my bag."
"Really? I lost my diary. It turned out to be in your luggage. It's good that it fell here with you, not anywhere else."
She immediately became uneasy again. Because, when she wrote a diary again, it was from Luo Zi.
"Didn't you read it? What did you watch?"
"I don't understand. But I remember what it said on the first page¡ªI've been here"
I have been here before
But I don't know when and how:
I only know that there is grass outside the door,
There are fragrances and sighs,
There are sunny shores
"I don't know why," the boy said, "I thought of these words when you came today, as if I wanted to see you today."
Joan smiled, and hugged her child again: "The words don't mean much, but it's poetry, and it's about fantasy."
The boy squinted his eyes and looked at the sky. He seemed to see tiny bright bugs in the air. He leaned closer to his mother and said: "I like this fantasy!" (Remember the website URL: www.hlnovel.com - Didn't finish reading? Add this book to your favoritesI'm a member and bookmarked this chapterCopy the address of this book and recommend it to your friends for pointsChapter error? Click here to report
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