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Chapter 975 Kill two birds with one stone

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    ?

    Chu Lihua really found the answer in the book.

    Like the example just now, the mother of the child can calm down first, and then say to the child: "It seems that you are very happy today. However, your voice is a bit too loud when Mom is on the phone;

    And it is easy to fall when running around at home, and my mother will worry.  Can you do your mother a favor and play with the toys obediently?  "

    Why do you say that?  First of all, being able to say this shows that the mother understands the needs of the child, and the child can feel that the mother fully understands himself and does not blame himself.

    Moreover, this also makes the child realize that he is running around like this because he is happy; however, because his mother is on the phone, he can't be noisy now and can play with toys quietly.

    The same is to let the child understand emotions, but yelling at the child will only let the child know that the mother is angry; in addition, the child cannot learn any way to express his emotions correctly.

    Moreover, although the child immediately became obedient, it was not because he knew what he was doing was wrong, but because he was afraid that his mother would stop loving him when she got angry.

    Therefore, only when the child is full of security and does not need to worry about losing the love of his mother all the time, let him know his own and other people's emotions, and learn to deal with and express them in an appropriate way. This is the emotion-guided education.  .

    Having said that, does Chu Lihua think "emotional guidance" seems easy?  Isn't it just to let the child know when communicating with the child that no matter what he does, the parents understand and love him, and then teach the child to recognize and express emotions correctly.

    Just like Xiao Qi's "crying" just now, I should understand her emotions first, and then coax her instead of directly comforting her and coaxing her.

    However, it is not so simple in the book.

    Sometimes, parents always habitually put their own feelings above the children's feelings, wrongly guide the children to understand emotions, or directly deny the children's feelings.

    This also leads to children's inability to learn how to face their emotions correctly.

    For example, not long after lunch, the child said to his mother, "Mom, I'm hungry."

    Mom replied: "You just finished your meal, how long has it been, how can you be hungry."

    Although the child was not beaten or scolded, it was just a soft-spoken sentence; but it denied the child's feelings and made the child realize that he should not be hungry just after eating, and he will not tell you that he is hungry even if he is hungry in the future  up.

    For another example, the child was playing on a swing and fell off the swing. Although he fell on the sponge cushion, the child still cried.

    The mother ran over and hugged the child to comfort him: "Don't cry, it's okay, the baby is the strongest." This made the child feel that if you want to be strong, you can't cry.

    The book says that although the parents are comforting the child, falling on the sponge cushion does not hurt too much; but when the child falls off the swing, the feeling of fear and embarrassment after falling off  , Have parents thought about it?

    Therefore, when emotionally guiding children, don't use adult feelings to replace children's feelings. You must first judge the child's situation, experience it from the child's perspective, and then deal with it, especially when you notice the child's feelings.  When the mood is obviously very low, parents need to give him strong support and guidance.

    This Chu Lihua suddenly felt that the way she got along with Qing Yunfei was because he didn't understand her emotions when things happened.

    Moreover, Chu Lihua also discovered that as long as she is in the love mode, she will automatically become a child who needs the attention and care of the other party.

    Chu Lihua reached out and touched her forehead, why did she feel so awkward?  In this way, the problem is actually that there is a deviation in my own needs?

    Trying to get back the love that was missing when you were a child from the reliable role of your husband?

    Wiping the sweat that didn't exist on her forehead, Chu Lihua hurriedly buried her head in the book. It is better to find out about the children first. One is to train Xiaoqi and the others well; but to heal her "children's character".

    However, such a situation may also happen: even if I say it well, what should I do if the brat is disobedient?  Does punishing him work?

    The answer is, we don't punish children.  Because punishing a child will only make the child emotionally frustrated, and the child will not learn any lessons other than that.

    Therefore, we need to use the method of emotional guidance to let the child be responsible for his own behavior, instead of "show him something great".

    For example, a child is going out to play with friends before dinner, but he is likely to??Missing meal time to go out to play.  At this time, parents can remind the child that if he misses the meal time, he will not be able to eat dessert.

    Of course, it is up to the child to decide whether to go home on time.  When the child really misses the meal time, comes home late, and tells his mother that he wants to eat dessert.

    The mother can first express sympathy for the child who missed the dessert because of playing, and then tell the child that he himself should be responsible for the missed meal, that is, there is no dessert.

    It should be noted that parents only need to let their children take direct responsibility for their own behavior, and cannot have other forms of punishment, such as going to the penalty station for missing dinner time, which is unreasonable.

    Since punishment is not enough, what about rewards?  Can rewards be used to make children obedient?

    There can be rewards, but rewards cannot be used to exchange children for obedience.

    Parents need to understand that when children are misbehaving, it is usually because something has happened that makes them unhappy, or their needs have not been met.  Parents should solve it from the source, instead of using rewards in exchange for children to be obedient.

    Therefore, it is still necessary to use the method of emotional guidance to guide children.

    For example, the child is playing in the park, but when the time comes, the mother is going home to cook, and the child just doesn't want to go home.

    At this time, the mother can give up the method of bribing the child with TV or snacks, and use emotional guidance to make the child obedient.

    The mother can understand the child's wish and say to the child: "Mom knows that you like to play in the park, because mother wants you to go home so you are not happy. But I'm sorry, we have to go home, and mother wants to go home for the baby.  Cook and eat with dad. Can you help mom?"

    Then let the child talk about what he wants to eat at night, and then take the opportunity to pick up the child and go home.  Although the child may still be unhappy, the mother's understanding and respect, as well as words of comfort, will have a good effect on alleviating the child's bad emotions.

    Chu Lihua nodded again and again, and at the same time, she also found that it seemed that she had to do the same with Qing Yunfei, otherwise she would be unhappy and silent.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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