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Chapter 925 Gratitude and Forgiveness

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    Chu Lihua, who had never talked about this period of history, gave everyone a new understanding of her, and couldn't help but prick up their ears and listen attentively.

    ¡ª¡ª "However, these are of no use, except to make me more depressed.

    Until, later, I met a person in the community, and I understood and understood some truths from her; coupled with my own browsing habits, I really completely got myself out of that unfriendly vortex.

    Only then did I know that no matter what you have experienced, you must be grateful and forgive.  Only in this way can you change your memory and make you happier.

    Only when you feel happy will you attract more desired things to your world.

    A person has different emotions about certain things in memory. Such emotions can be satisfaction, contentment, pride and peace, or resentment and anger. These emotions are completely determined by your views on this matter.

    Let's look at an example: the same is divorced, everyone's different thoughts and opinions will bring you different life experiences.

    For example, Linda, every time Linda hears her husband's name, she immediately thinks of his betrayal, and Linda will be very angry, even though the two of them have been divorced for 20 years.

    But Mary is different. When she recalls the past, she feels very proud. Although she has gone through ups and downs, she has finally paid off, and her current life makes her very satisfied.

    It can be seen that the way a person interprets something determines what emotions he shows when recalling the past.

    If a person can't appreciate the good times in the past, and can't forget the misfortunes of the past, then his mood will definitely not be good.  Then, gratitude and forgiveness are the best ways to get rid of this pessimistic mood.

    So, specifically how to achieve gratitude and forgiveness, I intend to introduce a five-step approach to reach forgiveness.  "

    Everyone listened expectantly and quietly to Chu Lihua's next words.

    Chu Lihua's voice now has a feeling of healing.

    ¡ª¡ª"This method was proposed by the forgiveness psychologist Worthington. His mother was brutally murdered by burglars. Faced with such a disaster, most people may not be able to forgive the culprits throughout their lives.

    But Worthington eventually did, and in his book he describes a five-step process he calls the reach therapy.  These five letters are the abbreviations of the initials of five English words, namely recall, empathize, altruistic, commitment, and hold.  Let's take a look at how Worthington used this reach therapy to forgive criminals.

    r is memory, try to recall the pain in an objective way, don't demonize the other party, and don't feel sorry for yourself.

    Worthington described the scene he imagined at the time: two young people were going to burglarize an empty house, but they didn't expect that there was someone in this house, and one of the young people might think so.

    'Ah, no, I've been found.  What to do, she may recognize me, I will go to jail, this old woman will ruin my life.  '

    The memories after experiencing great pain should still be objective.

    And for me, regarding my own situation, I also thought: 'My family is inevitably excited when they see such a soft and lovely flesh and blood like me for the first time.  They couldn't express their love, so they held me in their hands the way I liked to watch the big bright light bulb all night.  '

    e is empathy, from the perpetrator's point of view, why he wants to hurt you, imagine how the perpetrator will explain his behavior.  The perpetrator might think like this:

    'I didn't want to hurt her, but the old woman was shouting, I was afraid the police would come.  I didn't have time to think about it and knocked her down.  '

    Let's take a look at the psychology behind the perpetrator. When a person feels that his life is threatened, he will hurt innocent people; the person who attacks others is usually a timid, worried, and hurt person.

    Of course, for me, it's far from that serious.

    However, I thought of another person: Dr. Zhao.  I used to spend tens of thousands of dollars on treatment with him in Beijing, but in the end it was in vain.

    I have been blaming him before, because I think he is clearly a doctor, but he only cares about the immediate benefits, and the consultation fee is so high but it has no effect.

    However, using the method of empathy, I thought this way: He also wants to be cured, so that he can add another touch to his resume.

    As for why the consultation fee is so high, it can also be understood as: to allow everyone to persist in such a painful diagnosis and treatment process, so that the efforts of both parties in the past will not be in vain.

    a is altruistic, forgiving him is for his own good.  think about yourselfYou have hurt someone before, and the other person forgave you, and you are filled with gratitude.  Now, you do the same with the person who hurt you. You forgive him for his own good.

    Who hasn't hurt others intentionally or unintentionally, when they are forgiven, don't they all feel relieved?

    Similarly, why don't we let those who have hurt us enjoy such a good feeling?

    The injury has already been done, and it is not forgiven. In fact, the injured person is often in dire straits.

    The biggest possibility is instead:

    The person who hurt you, if it is intentional, the more uncomfortable you are, the happier he will be; but if it is unintentional, he will not know about it at all.

    c is a promise, promise to forgive the other party in public.  Speaking or writing your forgiveness, a Worthington coached client will sign a 'certificate of forgiveness', write a letter to the perpetrator, or tell a trusted friend, are all things that must be done to ultimately achieve forgiveness.

    And I think that writing it down generously and pasting it on the most conspicuous place on the wall is the best promise.

    h is to keep, keep the heart of forgiveness.  It's hard to stay forgiving because memories come back to you again.

    Forgiveness is not about washing away painful memories, but changing the label of revenge attached to the memory.  When recalling grief again, remind yourself that you have forgiven him, then reread your letter of forgiveness to the perpetrator, or do the reach all over again.

    This may sound gross and disingenuous, but at least eight studies have measured the effects of this model.

    And I have personally experienced that this method is to force myself to rewrite those sad stories from an objective standpoint, and let me rewrite my sad memory.

    The research results also show that the less anger and tension there is, the more optimism and health you will have. The more you can forgive, the more obvious the positive effects of forgiveness will be.  Forgiveness removes heavy shackles for you, and you feel light.  Let the past be the past.

    Exaggerating and obsessing about past misfortunes is often the culprit for our lack of peace and contentment.

    Gratitude and forgiveness can change your memory, gratitude can increase the intensity of good memories, and forgiveness will remove the fuse of painful memories so that they can no longer be detonated.  "(Remember this site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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