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Lily Marlene's dazed afternoon

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    ?

    Regarding Lili Marlene, I have written many times in the previous article. This is a coffee shop, which is quiet in the middle of the noise. I like drinking coffee. I have been drinking here for more than two years, and I am not willing to change to other places.

    ?One person, one afternoon, drinking coffee and writing, it is pleasant to say, but it is also a little uneasy to do, so every afternoon when I come here, I have a cigarette and chat for comfort.

    I will sit here in a daze, looking out the window at the cars passing silently coming and going downstairs, thinking about things about this life.  This feeling of being in a daze can sink people, and they can only watch the little sand in the hourglass flow out.  I often feel lonely, but I am too out of group. Staying with someone for a long time will make me feel extremely insecure, so I didn't stay in my own hostel to be a conscientious literary uncle.

    My favorite is grilled cheese with mandheling. Grilled cheese is very sweet, but mandheling is very bitter. My extreme love probably comes from the extreme contradiction in my heart.  Is it true that everyone in the so-called art has to experience inner entanglements?  While imagining death in the laughter of the crowd, on the other hand, he showed a gentle and gentlemanly smile in front of the sad girl, telling her how beautiful life is.  From this point of view, I turned out to be a fool of values, or maybe a layman who poured cold water on the world. When it comes to vulgarity, I feel that I am not vulgar. I have never cared about the rules of the world.  For example, when I go to a movie theater, I sit on the ground in the first row, as if the entire theater is mine, or I go to a ktv to sing songs all night.  By saying this, of course, I am not bragging how special I am. Perhaps in my subconscious mind, I am fighting an insignificant struggle with this world, and it is also a kind of helpless struggle.

    The word struggle has been quoted repeatedly by me.  I've struggled for too long, for what?  Is it for money?  There should be, because I like money.  For enjoyment?  There should be too, because I like contriving very much.  And for what?  For the people who are bound by you?  There should be some, I never want to cause trouble to the people around me, I hope I can help them.  I cooked for four hours last weekend, and my guest gave me a thumbs up, and I felt very happy at that moment.  Going back to the topic of struggling for what, I was suddenly confused again. Looking at the bare trees and scattered leaves outside the window, I suddenly remembered the sentence I saw in Wenshu Monastery: "Life or no life", this is it  A part of the Zen language on the gate, I have never forgotten it since I saw it.  Once again, I feel that the topic of life and death really cannot be overthought, otherwise I will fall into an abyss.  Strange to say, I like Gu Cheng, Kawabata Yasunari, Akutagawa Ryunosuke, Haizi, Leslie Cheung, and sometimes I worry about getting their bad habits.

    Recalling an extremely short call yesterday, it was my mother who called.  Her voice was still the same as before, gentle and tenacious, and she informed me that she and Uncle Wang had obtained a certificate.  At that moment, my voice was very small, and I said to bless them, but she didn't ask me to attend their wedding. I remembered the look of disappointment in my father's eyes when I saw him last time.  He is over half a hundred years old, and he should be the age to know his destiny, but he is struggling silently in this confusion. I can see the wrinkles left by him frowning too much because of worry.  He hasn't joked with me for decades, and his smiling face has sunk into an indescribable depth that he can't extricate himself from.

    My mother is going to get married, and I just heard about it before. I sent a message in the circle of friends, hoping to attract someone's attention.

    The Spring and Autumn Period is nearly fifty years old, and your cup should not be emptied for anyone.  Don't let me fill up the wine for you, and drink the blessings of the cold winter and the twelfth lunar month. It is a kite with a broken string in your hand, and I only send it from my heart.  How is the mountain?  Is the tree still green?  Is the smell of dust in the smoke curling up still the same?  I look at the story of the past years, that is your figure is very long, as long as a century.  It is this cloudy rain that pours into my eyes, my heart, my past and present, let me borrow a ray of spring breeze, and gently send you a bright and still sunny sun for me.

    I gave this passage a title: Zhi Zhi Zhi Zhi and Zhi Yuan.  Later, Bugua (a friend) commented that there were traces of Jane Zhen or the Year of Seven Violet.

    I actually wanted to call my brother, but that was just a fleeting thought.

    In the end, there is no consolation, only indifference after hysteria, how much sorrow has been gained as much happiness has been lost in these years.  I got the mask of selfishness and hypocrisy, and I am no longer the person in your eyes.  Struggling in quicksand is most futile.  And my deepest desire is nothing more than a delicious meal.

    I really feel that I am a bit like the man named Thomas in Milan Kundera's works, just wandering in the world, sinking in the crowd, looking for an exit at dawn among many beautiful dreams.

    Regarding life, I have always felt that just like the feeling given to me by "In the Bamboo Forest", every angle, different standpoint, draws countless conclusions, but no matter whether the conclusion is good or not, in the end?As the Buddhists say, all dharmas return to one.  Some things have meaning, you can't ask, don't ask, because you can't say, maybe this is life.

    Take this afternoon in a daze as an example, how should I evaluate this section of the Changjiang River?  As far as I am concerned, at least it is a comfortable place to be, and I understand everything else.

    At the end of the flying thoughts, I wanted to write something more, but I was speechless for a long time, so be it, be it.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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