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Chapter 27 I succeeded!

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    They denied my study and my ability to live. My resistance was successfully denied again, proving the "justice" of the "law of heaven" they denied!

    Struggling and fighting didn't do anything, things couldn't get better, instead they pushed myself into the abyss of death.  I am completely lost, I am completely depressed.

    At that time, I swore to the death that pain was the whole content of my life.  When I was awakened suddenly in a lost dream, I hated to question: "Why am I still alive?!"

    At that time, I naively admired how good it would be to die!  If you die, you will be at ease, if you die, you will not have to suffer, and if you die, who is worthy of my tears?

    Pessimistic, when my heart was almost suffocated, my temper became irritable again!  Become vicious!  I hate!  I hate!  I am very!  I hate why I was born in such a world!  I hate why alone makes me have countless pains!  I hate why God wants to make stupid, and stupid is me!  I hate!  I hate!  I hate!

    Such a weak body, with only insignificant strength, was exhausted by hatred.  Every time, when I was gasping for breath, the only thing I wanted to do was escape¡ªthat was the only way I could choose.

    Escaping can make you feel at ease for a while without paying any effort.  I don't even have any strength to resist, even if I know they are wrong.  I also care about them lazily.  Allow yourself to be wrong, and you will get the peace of mind that is within your reach.

    When the times created man, the courage and vigor that used to be like an ox and a tiger changed in nature, turned into poisonous water, and infused with angry blood.

    Abandoning everything that was right, admitting that all of my mistakes were mistakes, in exchange for peace of mind from compromise, this was the only thing I wanted at the time.  Because this is the only pure land where you can live outside of the collapse of your mind.

    For the sake of this little peace, what kind of weirdness did I torture myself into!

    I am nervously afraid of any fist, their slander, and their ridicule.  Even if there is any disturbance in the outside world, I have to be forced to throw away the hard-won "pure land" and to be forced to adjust my nerves to a state of extreme panic.  At that moment, all I could think about was death.

    I hate myself, and I hate everyone else.

    The kind of resentment that hates everything but cannot eliminate everything that is hated, adds pain, and accumulates in the heart.  I have resented countless times: why am I still alive!  I became afraid of my own existence, and it was because of my existence that I incurred endless pain, resentment, and the darkness of the heavens!

    I can't wait to let myself disappear immediately, but I don't have the courage to end myself, and even any flash of such a bad idea makes me terrified.

    I always feel that it is not worth dying for this kind of pain.  There is a kind of hope in the dark that makes me nostalgic: what a wonderful thing it should be to be alive.

    At the head of the village, the old men and women who chat together every day, even if they have gray hair, lost their teeth, and bent their bodies, don¡¯t they still care about living?

    I became sensitive, a little nervous.  Every day is as wretched as a stray dog.  Very wretched and afraid of everything.  When you are tired, you can only escape in your own heart, and let the tranquility resolve a little bit of painful torture.

    My external honesty seems to give the teachers a great joy.  The lackluster results confirmed their evaluation of me.  They gradually ignored me and treated me as if I didn't exist in the world.

    I even downplayed my own existence with extreme indifference and speechlessness, hoping that my existence in the eyes of the teacher would completely disappear.

    I succeeded.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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