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Record the day that the heart fluttered

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    ?

    ?Last night, around 12 o'clock, I was too tired to search for news and broadcast various news patterns, so I turned off the computer and went to sleep.

    I lay down for a long time and couldn't fall asleep.  The body is tired, but the mind is getting more and more clear, as if there is no tiredness at all.  I got up and started to read and take notes on the book of "Zhuangzi" with a pencil.  Speaking of it, you really liked the feeling of writing when you were so weak that you could hardly grasp the pen. It was casual and free and easy, without overstepping, but you felt that the handwriting was about to fly.

    It's past 3 o'clock in the middle of the night, because I have to participate in an activity during the day, and I have to get up at 7:30 in the morning. Even if I can't sleep, I have to lie down for several hours, even if I lie dry.  In the dark, your mind is soberly thinking of a sentence in "Zhuangzi" "Ying Diwang" in your tired mind: Tai's sleeping is slow, and he feels in Yu.  You often feel that every inch of your bones is infected with the Taoist way of "inaction".  But why can't you sleep?  The only reason I can think of is that there are still important things in your heart that you haven't done, the wish you've longed for hasn't been realized, and you haven't given up your life to walk towards the direction you've always dreamed of.

    After 9 o'clock in the morning, it was a bit early to arrive at the Taiyanggong subway entrance, so I wandered casually on the side of the road.  The wind is cold, the flowers are bright, the hesitation last night seems to be a long time ago, now you can do some thinking.  You're walking down a sidewalk you've never walked before, and on this cold morning, you start thinking about some philosophical questions.  As you walk back, your thoughts suddenly stop.  Perhaps, only when people walk in strange places can they have some useful thinking.

    At the media briefing, I saw the usual reporters when reposting manuscripts, from People¡¯s Daily, Xinhua News Agency, and Economic Daily; Mr. W from People¡¯s Daily Online was still so elegant; I met the new office leader who made you painfully modify the video,  Although he doesn't know you; he also saw people who accidentally had a meal together during a break, and he was always apprehensive before he went, afraid to see any of them.  Your life is always avoiding everyone you have ever met. Other people's life is getting wider and wider, but your life is always narrow.

    At the end of the meeting, you pissed lz off again.  After the meeting, you walked to the subway in a trance, stopped on the high subway stairs, and looked at the subway direction sign hanging in front of you. At that time, you felt that being a reporter was no longer your dream.

    You once went to a far, far place in order to abandon yourself, and wanted to leave yourself there, and then you came to such a far place again, doing the most incompatible thing with your personality, just "to change yourself".  Now, you already know the answer.

    After returning to the unit, sister gy brought the meal back for you, although you didn't tell her.  You had no original manuscripts last month. Ms. gy calmly said that such a department is not easy to deal with, and asked you to count the other manuscripts you sent to her, and she will find a way to remedy it.  You say, "Yeah." For some reason, when you're with her, you don't dare to chat with her even a word.  Heart is sad.

    You send a message to g saying that if you go on like this, you will definitely not be able to bear it.

    On the way back from get off work, the orange-red sunset tries to hide between the half-green branches. This is a rare scene that can comfort you.

    After putting away your bag and some food, come downstairs again and walk to the park. You need to relax.

    Strickland repeated over and over again, "I must paint".

    Do you remember him saying, "You're such a fucking fool" and "I told you I had to draw".

    ?Walking on the park trail, with a lot of thoughts, you suddenly understand the faint lack in your heart for the future that has already been decided.  What you need is not traveling together, not National Highway 318, not a one-year trip, but eternal rambling.

    But you can't start alone.  At this time, you hope that you are a boy, but if you are a boy, your purpose must not be so pure and soft.

    As I was walking, I suddenly wanted to shave my head, put on boys' clothes, took a Swiss Army knife and hit the road, never to return.

    As time goes by, nothing can change you, except to become more indifferent.  Here is the answer you found.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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