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no ambition

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    Entering October, the capital is already very cold.  When I came to look for Wang Lang, I thought that it would not be long before we would be able to climb onto the warm kang, and maybe do some warmer things, so I didn't wrap myself properly.  At this moment, I felt the cold air passing through the icy gold brick floor, passing through the soles of the shoes as if there was nothing, and drilling straight to the center of my feet. It seemed that in an instant, it had penetrated into my internal organs and moved toward me  My heart was frozen all the way.

    Both brothers liked me, which did not flatter me. On the contrary, for some reason, I felt cheated and hurt.  It seems that those days of innocence, laughter and rowdy in the past suddenly changed. It turned out that when I was heartless and happy, there were so many undercurrents around me, and I actually  Nothing!

    I, yes, have, many, stupid?

    And why did Wang Lang keep silent all the time, why did he insist on procrastinating things that could have been very clear and refreshing, so chaotic?

    I have been making excuses for him, trying to understand his difficulty, trying to understand his intentions, trying to grow into a qualified person who can let Wang Lang solve mysteries with confidence and share all his secrets with me.  princess.

    But at this moment, accompanied by his silence, it seemed that there was a loud noise, and I felt that my self-restraint had been broken.

    "You said," I heard my own voice, I really admire that I can still be so calm.  "The first homework you gave me was to let me understand your mind"

    Wang Lang tried to hug me, but I dodged it.

    When I was in front of him, I always felt that my head was a little bit low.  Since I was young, I have always understood that Wang Lang is better than me, harder than me, and better than me. I should actually look up to him, and I have always looked up to him. I know that my self-willedness, my pride, and my indulgence never came.  Because, I am not special, just because I have many people's doting, my arrogance, and my origin is not right.  But he does have the capital to stand on a high place and look down on me, a mortal being.

    And now, I can also frankly admit that, yes, during those few years when I mistakenly thought that he and Wan Sui were in love.  The fact that I was bad to him was only because of a guilty conscience, because of my guilt. I thought that I had been wishful thinking and that he loved me. This brought him a lot of trouble and distress, and even made him and  Wan Sui can't have a lover and get married. I think he has a reason to hate me and hate me, but I can't even say a word to justify myself.  So although I was against him, fundamentally, I knew that I was sorry for him, and that I should bow my head in front of him.

    But now I don't feel that I am inferior to him.

    It's not because I'm good enough, but suddenly, I feel that he also has many shortcomings. These shortcomings are not the little things that I complain about with love and sweetness.  It was a real big mistake that deceived me and hurt me.

    I looked at Wang Lang, looked at those star-like eyes, trying to figure out his current mood, but I still couldn't see through it as before.  Wang Lang put on his mask again, leaving me with nothing but peace.

    Damn calm.

    "You said let me read your mind." My voice was already broken.  "Then let me read it to you now, okay? I'm stupid, Wang Lang, I don't understand much, I'm right, you nod, okay?"

    Wang Lang nodded slowly, and he took a step forward, ignoring my objection and struggle, and put on a robe for me.

    His tone was very light, "You don't wear much, so add another piece of clothing."

    I blinked, and suddenly wanted to cry again. The anger that surged up just now, like a tide, swept away without a trace.

    In any case, Wang Lang likes me after all.

    "You knew from a long time ago that Wang Long had thoughts about me, didn't you?" I held his lapel, not letting him leave, and asked a question between his lapel.  "Is it right after you found out you liked me?"

    Wang Lang nodded, then shook his head again.

    "Even before that?" I gasped in surprise.

    "It's much earlier than you think." Wang Lang whispered, "But I shouldn't tell you all of this. Shi Nuan, that's Wang Long's business."

    I raised my eyes to look at him, and showed all my dissatisfaction and confusion to Wang Lang, and I begged softly.  "Tell me when, tell me what you have done behind my back, tell me what you and sister-in-law are planning. Wang Lang, if you ask me to grow up, you must first treat me as a grown up person."

    But Wang Lang immediately closed his mouth again, his fingers slid across my cheeks, slowly, reluctantly, bringing his low temperature, as if he wanted to smear my face.Even for me, he looked at me with such weighing eyes, such cold and almost heartless eyes.

    Then he said softly, "No, in fact, Wan Sui has always been just a cover. Father has already made up his mind to betroth you to me. It doesn't matter what your own wishes are. I already knew at that time that you are mine.  "

    I frowned, and I had an impulse to resist, "At that time, there were still many ways to avoid marrying you"

    "But every method will hurt the Su family." Wang Lang's eyes are like two small pools, dark and gloomy, condensed with countless unspeakable calculations.  But his tone was even a little sad.  "Shiyang supports you in marrying into the East Palace, Xiao Nuan, you won't risk hurting your brother and sister-in-law, you can't escape the palm of your father."

    I suddenly understood that he had almost seen through me, he had figured out my temperament and read most of my thoughts, but there was only one thing he didn't have confidence in: he didn't know how much I loved him.

    This is exactly the opposite of what I am today. I still can't figure out his temperament or read his mind. The only thing I can be sure of is that he really likes me.

    All the deceptions, concealments, and silences he did were all because of his uncertainty, his lack of confidence.  He thought he wouldn't get hurt if he didn't speak out, even now, he refuses to admit that he likes me, and he is afraid that I will leave him.

    And how selfish it is!

    In this moment, I understood what my anger meant.

    It means that the flawless Wang Lang in my heart has been shattered like Concubine Chen Shu, like a foster mother.

    I was silent for a long time before I asked him again, "Since you already knew the result of the marriage at that time, why did you tell me that you didn't want me to be your princess?"

    There was a rare hint of helplessness in Wang Lang's voice.

    "Xiao Nuan," he said softly.  "People around you love you very much, including me, and want to maintain your innocence and purity as much as possible. If you were not the princess, how happy would you be in this day and age? You don't need to bow your head, you will never be frustrated,  You don't need to learn to be smart"

    "But me." I interrupted him with a hoarse voice, "I would rather be frustrated, bow my head, and learn to be smart. Wang Lang, you want me to be happy, but why don't you understand?  How can you be happy?"

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