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Volume 1 Text ¡¾103¡¿Optimism and Pessimism

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    Within five years, God brought disaster to this province twice in a row.  On May 12th of that year, the living were celebrating more than one year, but the dead were in Wenchuan.  On April 20 this year, the disaster moved to Ya'an.  When the earthquake happened, my only reaction was to call Tietou. I was relieved to learn that his family was fine.  What makes me happy is that many people still called me or left messages asking me if I was killed by the earthquake. I told them that my place was hundreds of miles away from the earthquake zone.  After experiencing a disaster, people will become stronger.  Of course this is nonsense. If you want to survive on your own, you must become strong.  After leaving the small town, I put down my burdens and wrote a book with a peaceful mind.  It took me four months to complete this book.  During this period, I met many old friends.  Most people are interested in girls, so let me tell you a story about girls. I met Dingding in May, and she just got married this year.  This girl is kinder than Juliet, at least her husband is not an old man in his sixties.  ¡°About six or seven years ago, I promised to invite Dingding to watch a movie, but due to various accidents, I was never able to do so.  In May of this year, I finally made up for this regret. I took her to see an old movie "Golden Rooster". When the older song "What I Want in Life" played at the end of the movie, I turned my head and saw that Dingding had tears streaming down her face.  I kept doing nothing and rewatched many old movies.  In the process, I discovered that Hong Kong movies are not completely hopeless. Just like the later National Football League, when you give up, it will suddenly give you a surprise.  Even in the embarrassing year of 2006, there were still good films released, such as "Isabella" directed by Peng Haoxiang.  ??Watching the same movie at different times will have different moods.  I remember when I first watched this movie in 2006, I didn¡¯t remember half of the plot.  Because I was watching this movie with a girl, my attention was completely focused on the girl's short skirt and thighs.  During the movie, I was mostly thinking about how to get my hands up her thighs and into the hem of her skirt.  When I calmed down to watch the movie alone, I was surprised again and again.  This movie is very suitable for a father to watch, especially for a single father.  There are some very interesting lines in this film.  For example, Du Wenze said to Liang Luoshi: "You are under 18 years old, so you are still a prostitute? Are you trying to be a police officer?" Du Wenze: "You know you are my daughter, but you still did that with me last night?" Liang Luoshi: "  Is it any wonder that you have so many women that you sometimes fuck your own daughter? "In this drama, Anthony Wong appeared three times wearing sunglasses, and all three times he was talking to himself and eating a hot pot.  A bowl of fish ball noodles and a hamburger.  During these few months, what I did every day was code words, watch old movies, and tell stories to my son.  I started to get easily impressed.  ¡°This is a very rare thing, because for a few years before this, I couldn¡¯t even be moved by what I wrote.  This is also a very happy thing. My health has improved to a certain extent.  Since 2008, I have been suffering from increasingly serious eye dryness and eye fatigue. I have been using eye drops for a long time, from three times a day to seven or eight times a day.  Because of this, I sometimes hate facing the computer, and even choose to stay away from it.  Of course, this is not the case on the Internet. For example, Baidu Encyclopedia says: Lao Niu was so addicted to online games that he disappeared There is a book that says that tears are the best eye drops.  I used to think this was nonsense, but I didn¡¯t expect it to be true.  When an uncle becomes easily impressed, he often sheds tears easily.  When the tears fell, I suddenly discovered that this thing is indeed better than eye drops.  I remembered a song: I haven¡¯t shed tears for at least ten years, and there are at least ten songs that comfort me.  I¡¯m not that strong. I haven¡¯t cried in five years, and there are five songs that comfort me.  In the process of writing this new book, I was often moved by myself, and sometimes there were wonderful replays.  For example, I shed tears while writing a chapter, and my nose felt sore when I went back to check for typos.  I have cried while writing a book three times. The first time was in 2001, when I was not yet twenty years old. I wrote 100,000 words by hand. I cried while writing. Several pages of manuscript paper were soaked with tears, causing the handwriting to be damaged.  Vague.  Later, the 100,000-word collection of essays was nowhere to be published, so I finally burned it.  The second time was when I wrote a book in 2008Internet novel, in fact, the text structure of the book is not very sophisticated. It was originally intended to be YY. The writing brought back a lot of memories, and it suddenly touched things that shouldn't be touched. By the time it reached more than 300,000 words,  I suddenly realized that I had cried three times.  The experience of writing a YY novel that brought back painful memories that were not YY was very uncomfortable, so the second half of the book was much rougher. At that time, I just didn¡¯t want to make myself cry for the fourth time.  The third chapter is now, only 100,000 words long, and I have already cried four times.  Two of them were silent tears, another was holding my head and sobbing, and the most exaggerated one was lying on the keyboard and crying uncontrollably.  In fact, the stories in the book are not that sad, but when writing these not-sad stories, I often think of many sadder past events.  And sometimes, when I write about one girl, I may think of ten girls at once, which makes me irresistible.  When I wrote 200,000 words, I couldn¡¯t remember how many times I cried.  The only good thing about this is that my eyes seem to be healed and I haven¡¯t used eye drops for a month.  Usually when I am moved by myself, others are not moved, and many people think that I don¡¯t understand what I am saying.  Human beings are complex animals. Generally, what they think is good is not considered good by others.  For example, Marquez always believed that his best work was "The Colonel No One Writes to Him", but the world only recognized his "One Hundred Years of Solitude" which won the Nobel Prize for Literature.  ¡°When I think of such a tragic experience for an outstanding person like Marquez, a small character like me suddenly feels a lot more balanced.  When I started writing in April, an old friend in the industry advised me that writing on such a subject was tantamount to risking my life.  When I uploaded it at the end of June, my editor warned me earnestly that writing about such a subject would be like having the word "Pulse" written on my face.  In the end, I chose a path to the dark side.  It turns out they were right.  Chasing your ideals will cost you a lot.  The dismal popularity of this book is the price I have to bear.  Sometimes I feel discouraged and feel that I am doing something particularly boring.  Especially when you see some weird book reviews, you are clearly expressing one kind of meaning, but it is misinterpreted into another meaning. This can easily make people despair and feel that no one in this world can understand you.  Later, I figured it out. Writing something like this is the realization of my dream. It has nothing to do with others. It doesn¡¯t matter whether anyone understands it or not. The most important thing is that I am happy for myself.  For a long time before this, I have been struggling with a question, that is: Am I a pessimist or an optimist?  I have not found the answer, and readers have no answer either. Many people think what I write is very happy, and many people think what I write is very sad.  It wasn¡¯t until I met Dingding in May this year that I suddenly found the answer.  She is very different from before, her temper is no longer so irritable, and her clothes are no longer so revealing. She looks like a good wife and mother no matter what.  I was shocked by her change and asked her how she did it.  She answered me: "I just learned to make others happy. I made my customers happy in the past, and I will make my husband happy in the future." I asked her: "Then how do you make others happy?" Her answer shocked me, and I thought about it.  After so many years of confusion, a former lady finally told me the standard answer. She said: "It's not difficult. Anyone who truly understands sadness knows how to make others happy." ¡¤
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