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Text Funny Journey to the West

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    ~Date:~October 19th~

    Narrator: It is said that Tang Monk, under the imperial decree of Emperor Taizong of the Tang Dynasty, went on a business trip to the West to obtain Buddhist scriptures.  The following is what happened to the four masters and disciples of Tang Seng on the road.

    The four masters and apprentices walked on the road and sang together: "When the sun comes out, I climb up the slope. When I climb to the top of the mountain, I want to sing."

    At this time, Sun Wukong, who was walking at the front, said: "Hey! Master, there is a pavilion in front of us, let's go over and have a rest!"

    Tang Monk: "Okay!"

    So the four masters and disciples walked to the pavilion and sat down.

    Sun Wukong looked around and said, "Master, the scenery here is so picturesque, why don't I take a picture of you!"

    Tang Monk: "Okay!" After speaking, he snapped his fingers.

    So Zhu Bajie ran to Tang Monk, handed him a pack of cigarettes, and said, "Master, this is your Marlboro."

    Monk Sha took out his lighter and bent down to light a fire for Monk Tang.

    Tang Monk took a deep breath, exhaled the smoke, and said, "Let me pose a pose first."

    Tang Monk made a very self-righteous gesture, and when he was about to ask Sun Wukong to take a photo, he found Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha standing behind him to steal the camera.

    Tang Seng was furious and cursed: "You two, get out of here, look at your ugly appearance, it will pollute the camera."

    Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha stepped aside knowingly.

    Sun Wukong took several photos of Tang Monk.

    After taking the photo, Sun Wukong ran to Tang Monk and said, "Master, are you hungry? I'm going to buy you some food. Do you want to eat KFC or fried dough sticks?"

    Tang Seng: "Of course it's KFC. What does a monk eat if he doesn't eat meat? Go quickly!"

    Sun Wukong: "Yes!" After that, he left.

    Monk Sha ran over and said, "Master, are you thirsty? What kind of wine do you want to drink?"

    Tang Seng: "No need to ask, as usual, drink Remy Martin. Go and buy it!"

    Monk Sha: "Yes, I'll go right away." After that, he left.

    Tang Seng: "Bajie, come here, can't you be more active in your work? Go and buy me a copy of the Global Times."

    Zhu Bajie: "Okay, then the money to buy the newspaper"

    Tang Seng: "Asshole, of course you have to pay for it yourself! You are not willing to pay this little money for Master, be careful I will deduct your salary!"

    Zhu Bajie: "Okay, okay, I'll buy it right away."

    After Zhu Bajie left, Tang Seng took out a copy of "Playboy" from his arms and read it with relish.

    When the camera turned, Zhu Bajie bought a newspaper and walked back. As he walked, he said: "I remember that I was the Marshal of Tianpeng, but because I was seduced by Chang'e, I happened to be seen by her lover, the Jade Emperor, and I was demoted to the mortal world and turned into a pig.  The fetus. Now it falls into the hands of Tang Monk again, and I am treated miserably by this smelly monk every day. Alas!"

    Zhu Bajie ran to Tang Monk and said, "Master, I bought you the Global Times, which was published only a few days later."

    Tang Seng: "Huh? You even bought a newspaper that was published a day after tomorrow. What a good pig!" After that, read the newspaper.

    Tang Seng: "Hey! There is a financial crisis in the West, which may trigger riots. Then wouldn't it be life-threatening for us to go to the West to obtain scriptures? I said Bajie, I think we should buy a few pirated scriptures from a nearby bookstore and go back to pay for it.  .¡±

    Zhu Bajie: "No, Master. The quality of these pirated scriptures is too poor, I can't get through it!"

    Tang Monk: "This pirate is really wicked. It's better not to pirate pirated copies. As a result, we have no choice but to risk our lives to go to the West to get the true scriptures." After that, he continued to read the newspaper.

    As soon as the camera turned, a dirty monster appeared on the mountain road.

    Monster: "It's getting harder and harder to be a monster now. Guns are everywhere. When I yell for robbery, people shoot at me. And I've spent all my money eating, drinking, and whoring. I have no money to buy anything."  With guns, you can only use your fists to fight other people¡¯s guns, which is really difficult and dangerous.¡±

    The monster took a few more steps.

    Monster: "Hey! The monk in front of me actually wore his hair parted. It's really a world of decline. Wait, he looks like Tang Monk?! I heard that eating his meat will make you immortal. If my wife eats it,  If you go above that, she will become very beautiful, and I will never have to go out to prostitute again."

    So, the monster quietly walked behind Tang Seng and Zhu Bajie.

    Tang Seng: "Yeah! It stinks! Bajie, did you take off your shoes?"

    Zhu Bajie: "No, Master. The smell seems to be coming from behind."

    The master and disciple turned around and saw a monster.

    Monster: "This handsome monk, are you Tang Monk?"

    When Tang Monk heard the monster praising him, he happily said: "I am the best in the world."The handsome Tang Seng.  Dare I ask who this demon brother is from?  "

    Monster: "Humph, I am the master of the Zhazi Cave in the Garbage Mountain. Tang Monk, do you know how hard it is for me to wait for you? If you are obedient, follow me obediently and don't make any unnecessary resistance. You must know that I am  Very strong."

    When Zhu Bajie heard this, his legs became weak and he hid behind Tang Monk and said, "Master, I'm in urgent need of urination. I'll go and relieve myself first while you hold it first."

    After hearing this, Tang Monk grabbed Zhu Bajie's hand and said, "Brother, we are good brothers and we are loyal. Don't leave me alone."

    Zhu Bajie: "Master, my loyalty to you is like a surging river, endless, but I am really in a hurry to urinate. Ah! My big one is coming too, I can't bear it anymore!" After that, he threw Tang Seng away.  His hand flew away.

    Tang Seng: "Asshole! It belongs to your grandfather! It seems that I can only rely on myself. Monster, I am the free fighting champion of White Horse Temple. Do you dare to fight me?"

    Monster: "As long as you don't have a gun, I dare to fight you." After that, he punched you.  Tang Monk fell to the ground.

    Monster: "I'm sorry! With your little skills, can you be a fighting champion?"

    Tang Seng: "Alas! It's just my fault that I refused to study hard and bought a fake diploma to make up for it, which really made me lose money."

    Monster: "Haha! Come with me!" After saying that, the monster took Tang Seng away.

    As soon as the camera turned, Zhu Bajie ran back and said: "Fortunately, I am smart and can run fast. If I lose my life for this smelly monk, it will be too worthwhile. Wait, Brother Monkey and Junior Brother Sha will come back later.  Knowing that my master has been captured, how can I do my job easily?"

    Zhu Bajie thought while spinning around, "Hey! There is some shit on the ground. It's just right. I'll use it to put on makeup." After that, Zhu Bajie grabbed the shit and wiped it on his face.

    Sun Wukong and Monk Sha came back together. Zhu Bajie ran up and pretended to be beaten badly?

    Not good!  A very smelly monster came here just now. Not only did it have bad breath and feet, it also had body odor.  I really couldn't defeat it, so I let him take the master away.  "

    Sun Wukong: "What? Master was captured by monsters? Bastard! He still owes us six months' salary and has not paid it! Junior brothers, let's go and save Master quickly. If Master is eaten by monsters, our work for these six months will be in vain."  ¡±

    Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha: "Okay!"

    When the camera turned, Tang Monk was tied to a pillar in the monster's cave, while the monster and the little demon were sharpening their knives.

    The monster sang: "Since I had you, life has been full of miracles. I will live forever, stay young forever, and my wife will be as beautiful as Chang'e."

    Tang Seng: "Alas! I owe my apprentices six months' wages, and I treat them like cattle and horses. They will definitely not come to save me. It seems that I have no choice but to save myself. I will use my three-inch indestructible power to save me."  Use your tongue to influence these monsters."

    Tang Seng said to the little demon: "Brother, you don't have to be in such a hurry to sharpen your knife. Let's talk about it! I, Tang Seng, am proficient in eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, and have first-class skills in deception and abduction. Chatting with me will ensure that you will benefit a lot."  Brother Yao, you know, to be a monster you also need to be humane. The more human you are, you are no longer a monster, but a human monster."

    Little Demon: "Shut up! Your grandfather's grandfather!"

    Tang Seng: "Wow! Brother Yao, your phrase 'your grandfather's grandfather' is really remarkable. It's even more profound than my phrase 'your grandfather's'."

    The monster said to the little monster: "Little monster, although we are dirty all over our bodies, our intestines and stomach are still very clean. We cannot eat unclean things."

    "Hey, you!" the monster said to Tang Seng, "go and pull out all the stuff in your stomach, lest we eat it up."

    Tang Seng: "II really can't pull it out!"

    The monsters and little demons sang: "If you throw it away, you won't be able to make a roar, and if you can't throw it again, you'll dig it out with your hands!" ("Song of a Hero")

    Tang Monk: "Youyou have really eliminated your demonic nature!"

    When the camera turned, Sun Wukong and the three of them were walking on the road, singing: "I often think that you, now, are always by my side." ("Smiley Face")

    Zhu Bajie: "Brother Monkey, this cave is extremely smelly, it must be here. Go in quickly and save Master!"

    Monk Sha: "Yes! Brother Monkey, go quickly, we will cover you outside."

    Sun Wukong: "I'll beat you! I'm the one taking the lead again."

    Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha sang together: "Brother Monkey, go forward boldly, go forward, and don't look back!"

    Sun Wukong: "Okay, okay, I've convinced you."

    Sun Wukong walked to the entrance of the cave and sang: "Look at the monsters in the cave, look over, look over."

    The monster heard Sun Wukong¡¯s voice and walked out of the cave.Singing while walking: "One wave has not subsided, another wave is coming, who is provoking?"

    The monster walked out of the cave and took a look: "Hey! It turns out to be a smelly monkey."

    Sun Wukong: "You monster, you really have no morals. I am Monkey King, the Monkey King who won the Monkey Beauty Contest in Water Curtain Cave in Huaguoshan Mountain! How about my name?"

    Monster: ¡°Never heard of it.¡±

    Sun Wukong: "I'll beat you up! You monster is so uneducated. You don't even know me."

    Monster: "Stop talking nonsense, and if you want to fight, fight. Eighteen Dragon Subduing Palms!"

    Sun Wukong: "Tathagata Palm!"

    When the monster was fighting Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie and Monk Sha took the opportunity to run into the cave to save their master.

    Tang Monk was rescued. When the monster saw it, he said: "Asshole! It turns out that I fell into the trick of luring the tiger away from the mountain. My IQ is as high as 28 and was also deceived. What a bastard. It seems that I must make a quick decision. Look, stinky monkey,  Chang'e is running naked in the sky!"

    When Sun Wukong heard this, he raised his head and looked up to the sky.  The monster took the opportunity to hit Sun Wukong with a palm, and Sun Wukong fell to the ground unconscious.

    The monster faced Tang Monk and others and said, "Hey, if you know what's going on, go back to the cave."

    Zhu Bajie: "Master, what should I do? Even Brother Monkey is no match for it, and I need to pee again."

    Tang Seng: "This monkey is so damn useless. It seems that I have to take action personally. Wu Jing, bring me my mobile phone."

    Monk Sha handed over his cell phone, and Monk Tang dialed a number.

    Tang Monk said disgustingly: "Hello?? Is this Sister Guanyin? I am Sanzang?? I am now entangled by a smelly monster. Come and help me. What? You are going to take a sauna bath, okay?  Sora! Huh?? You are so bad! If something happens to me, who will accompany you at night in the future! Oh! You have to teach me a spell! Okay, okay, I will remember it. Bye, give me a kiss."

    Tang Monk faced the monster and said: "Gulu, wow, bang, chacha, I am your mother, Ding!"

    The monster was under a spell and was immobilized.

    Tang Monk patted his phone and said, "Technology is based on demons. Nokia phones are great!"

    Monk Sha: "Master, what should Brother Monkey do?"

    Tang Seng: "This monkey looks good but is useless, and it really dies as soon as it comes. Bajie, the old method."

    Zhu Bajie ran to Sun Wukong, pointed his butt at Sun Wukong¡¯s head, and farted.

    Sun Wukong: "I'll beat you! It stinks!" After saying that, he jumped up from the ground.

    When Sun Wukong saw that the monster was motionless, he pounced on it and wanted to kill it.

    Tang Monk: "Wait a minute! Wukong, don't kill it. We should give the delinquent youth a chance to reform."

    Sun Wukong: "Master, your idea is good, but if you let it follow us, don't we have to provide it with free food and drink?"

    Tang Monk: "You are really ignorant of the monkey head. Do you think if we sell it, we will have money to go to Changsha Window of the World?"

    Sun Wukong and the three of them shouted in unison: "Okay?! Master is wise!"

    Tang Seng: "It's getting late, let's get on the road!"

    So the four masters and apprentices escorted the monster and sang as they walked: "You are holding the cigarette, I am holding the wine, eating, drinking, whoring and gambling, how happy you are on the road"

    They walked farther and farther, and finally disappeared into the sunset

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