I am Tuoba Shiyi. I don¡¯t know how many people in this world still remember me, but I was thinking about a lot of things when I died. I thought about my father, emperor and mother thousands of miles away, my dear country, my loyal servants and the people I loved all my life. The one who never got it. It sounds silly to say that my life is only a short dozen years. Since I was a child, the fortune teller said that my fortune was not good and I might die young, so my mother fostered me in the care of a goddess. The goddess always looks at me with a very compassionate look, which has not changed since I was a child. I asked her, why is she looking at me like this? Is it because my destiny has not changed? The goddess said: "You are a poor child." I didn't understand what she meant, so I didn't care. It wasn¡¯t until I was ordered to marry far away, until my heart was ignited and then extinguished, until now I was lying on this cold ground, that I understood what the goddess meant. I am indeed a poor child. What I have done in my short life may not be known to anyone for the rest of my life. No, that¡¯s not right, someone knows. Helian Junyao. That¡¯s the man I fell in love with. He has a pair of eyes that can see through people¡¯s hearts, so much so that when I have something on my mind, I don¡¯t dare to look directly at him. When I stood in front of him for the first time and looked up, he was in my heart. The legendary sun god Apollo is nothing more than that. He is my light and the salvation in my boring and trembling life. Although I am not the one who can redeem him. I came late. When I came, there was already a very warm woman beside him. Her name was Chujian. I often saw them walking around in the imperial garden or other places. They did not ride in sedan chairs, but the emperor held her hand, and she talked to him happily with a raised face and a smile. It looked extremely intimate, even a little unrestrained. But I can feel that Helian Junyao is very happy. Although the smile on his face was faint, his eyes were bright. I sighed, and then I saw him turn his head inadvertently and glance at me hiding in the dark with a warning. With a chill in my heart, I smiled and left quickly. Not even qualified to watch. I didn¡¯t care, and I figured it out. They seemed to have some small grudges, but it didn¡¯t stop Helian Junyao from liking the first meeting. I was in the middle, and I was just annoying. ¡°Actually, I¡¯m not a greedy woman, so I don¡¯t expect to take away the favor from the first time we met. It would be nice to be able to watch Helian Junyao from the side all the time. Watching him occasionally pass by in a dragon chariot, he would nod slightly when he heard my greetings. Seeing him frowning and teaching Chu Jian, there was a hint of helplessness and doting in his eyes. Look at him occasionally standing on the highest eaves in a daze, looking down at the world that belongs to him. Just looking at it like this, I am already very satisfied. So I said I would wait for him, even if I die of old age in the palace. The loyal servant Aqiu said to me: "Master, if you continue to do nothing like this, the Emperor will never look at you. Your youth will be wasted in this silent palace wall. Are you willing? {" I am willing, so what if I am not willing? That is not my man. If you rob him, you will offend the gods and I will be punished. And the punishment I fear the most is that I can no longer even look at Helian Junyao. So I prayed to God, and I am willing to be a kind person. Even though I was unprepared when I first met her, I would not harm her. But, but, why do you still have to be so aggressive even if I don¡¯t harm you? I never thought that one day Helian Junyao would say that he would disband the harem and secretly send all the women out of the palace. He also said that he would find a good home for everyone. This is ridiculous. I don¡¯t want to go back to Tianling Kingdom. Although I miss my mother very much, I will never see Helian Junyao again when I go back. Why should I be deprived of my last hope? I don¡¯t want much, I don¡¯t want his favor, I don¡¯t want him to look back at me, I just want me to see him, is this not enough? "I voluntarily give up my position and go to the Buddhist hall to pray for Yongyuan." I said this to the grandmother who came to inform me. Mommy¡¯s eyes widened in surprise and she looked at me with some confusion. Now the concubines in the palace are all still girls, and they will not find good families when they go out. She probably doesn't understand why I am so persistent. But seeing that I was very determined, she hesitated and went to tell the emperor. I thought Helian Junyao would come to see me and try to persuade me. This way I can at least see him up close. It's a pity that he didn't. He didn't even want to leave his last fantasy to me, but directly agreed to my proposal and let me enter the Buddhist temple. The Buddhist hall is behind the cold palace.It is clean and was rebuilt from the palace of the former Queen Mother. Aqiu followed me and moved over dissatisfied, and said unwillingly: "Master, you want to be talented and good-looking, why do you have to wrong yourself like this?" I smiled bitterly, I have talent and good looks, but without him, everything is useless. Doesn't make much sense. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????I think love is the most precious thing in the world, I will always think so until I die. I met the queen for the first time. Living alone in this harem with a pair of children, I easily had happiness that I could never imagine in my dreams. To be honest, I am jealous. But I have no choice. Now I can still stay in the palace, even if I am facing the Ancient Buddha of Qingdeng, but with him in this palace, I am happy with the bitterness. Helian Junyao, you never knew how much I love you, much more than when we first met. So what I'm not reconciled to is why you didn't realize at all that there is clearly someone here who loves you more. Every day when Aqiu goes out and comes back, he will stimulate me with some news, telling me how happy the emperor and Chu Jian are now, and telling me that they will probably never be separated in this life. At first, I would look at the Buddha statues, feeling distressed and crying. Later, the desire demon in my heart finally overwhelmed my loyalty to the gods. I gave in. I had to admit that I was jealous of Shen Chujian and I wanted to kill her. By killing her, will Helian Junyao slowly vacate the position next to him, and I can slowly enter his heart? After all I love him so much more than my life. When the plague came, Chu Jian left the palace privately, and the protective film that the emperor had quietly covered her body was shattered. I laughed a little crazy listening to Aqiu's words. I held her shoulders and said, "Aqiu, I can be selfish for once, right? Just this once!" Aqiu is very loyal to me and has been waiting for my words for a long time. He immediately disguised himself and left the palace, chasing after the first meeting. I couldn¡¯t stop laughing as soon as I started. Lying in the Buddhist hall filled with incense, I looked into the compassionate eyes of the Buddha and burst into tears. After all, he became a bad guy. The emperor marched north, and the queen cured the plague. One of them was in charge of the outside world, and the other was in charge of the inside. Only then did they look like a couple. I thought silently, wondering if I could do better in the future than when we first met. A long time later, when I was banging the wooden fish and chanting sutras, Aqiu came back and said with unconcealable joy: "Congratulations, master, it's done. I injected the poisonous needle into the queen's shoulder. It was a chronic poison." "There is no antidote." The sound of the wooden fish stopped suddenly. I was stunned for a long time, and suddenly burst into tears. "Master, why are you crying?" "It's okay, I'm fine." I wiped away my tears, stood up and smiled at the Buddha statue. Helian Junyao came back with the body he had first seen. I heard that on that day, all the people knelt down in front of the queen. Some people knelt from the street all the way to the palace gate. Many ministers also took off their official hats and knelt down. . It was then that I discovered that the queen, who seemed confused and stupid, had also done many remarkable things. Yongyuan was immersed in sorrow for a year, and I waited patiently. After half a year, he came out of the Buddhist hall, asked to resume his position, and returned to Helian Junyao. "The emperor needs to be taken care of." That's what I said to Aunt Hongjin. She is the queen's maid, a very smart and capable person. Hearing this, he just smiled at me lightly and said, "The last thing the emperor needs now is care." I ignored her and went straight into Helian Junyao's imperial study. His mood has not recovered now and he doesn't care much about things around him, so I'm not afraid of him blaming me. But when I went in and saw it, I realized that I had thought of things too simply. The man who had always been so handsome turned out to be so decadent. The green beard on his chin has grown out. He puts his hand on his forehead and closes his eyes tightly. "Your Majesty." I shouted distressedly, but he ignored me. The hall was very quiet. After thinking about it, I simply sat on a chair nearby and started to talk to him little by little, telling him how I fell in love with him and how I wanted to protect him quietly. Maybe I¡¯m very verbose, but the emperor should have been read to sleep by me even though he wasn¡¯t asleep. When I stood up to leave, he still didn't respond at all. I give him supplements and soup every day. Although he never moves, I still give them. I kept his palace very clean and tried to wipe his face with a handkerchief, but he pushed me away. If you don¡¯t touch his body, he won¡¯t react. I held the handkerchief and suddenly felt regretful. If I had known that he would be like this without Shen Chujian, I might as well stay in the Buddhist hall for the rest of my life. Helian Junyao, you are my heartI can¡¯t see, so can you hear what I¡¯m saying? I love you. Half a year has passed and I feel a little disheartened. But that day, Chu Jian came back again, alive. I saw the shining light in Helian Junyao¡¯s eyes, and he was as happy as a child. For more than a year, all I have left behind is just an empty shell. His heart is back and he is his original self. Unfortunately this doesn't belong to me. He just didn¡¯t have the heart to investigate the matter of Chu Jian being poisoned and dying, but now that Chu Jian is back, he should be able to find out it was me soon. So, I swallowed the poison one step ahead of him. You see, I love you so much that I can¡¯t bear to get your hands dirty. Even if everyone in the world no longer remembers me, will you still remember that there was someone who was by your side? that's me. I am Tuoba Shiyi. (Complete)