During the days when Xiaomei was struggling to survive on the battlefield, she had become a qualified occult expert. Like every qualified occult expert, she believed in her own intuition more than evidence.
Although only half a year has passed in terms of time in her memory, she rarely thinks back to the days when she was a high school girl.
She witnessed with her own eyes what was happening on the earth, and realized at a very close distance what humanity was becoming. Before being involved in the Valpus Night in Las Vegas, those peaceful and everyday times now seemed more dreamlike than any dream. Sometimes, in a state of blurred consciousness, she would doubt the normal things in the past. Is the time really just a dream?
Everything that was once good is gone. Those things that once seemed troublesome, troublesome, painful and boring now look like dreams and make people yearn for them. Compared to the pain and despair we are experiencing now, what are the setbacks we suffered in our daily lives in the past?
She has wanted to go back to the past in her dreams countless times, but when she wakes up, it will only be more painful. Now, she can no longer even shed tears.
??Compared to people who are still alive, maybe dead people can find peace? This was a thought she would sometimes have when she was struggling to change something after witnessing the deaths of people she knew or were strangers to.
Now, as a warrior and a survivor, she is standing on this battlefield. This situation no longer allows her to think too much about "what if" things. She wasn't quite sure what impact her and others' actions would have on the situation, but she knew that what she was doing was the only thing she could do.
Why are you different from others? Is this just his own illusion, or does he really have some kind of mission? Or is it Madoka's expectations for herself, who is left in the London repeater and doesn't know how she is doing now?
You must do something yourself.
Just because she seems to be a little special, she needs to use this specialness to do something. For some modern people, this is not a correct logical relationship, but for Xiaomei herself, On this battlefield, there will not be anything special that is different from others, it will appear for no reason.
It¡¯s like in a script, all the characters who show special characteristics cannot be just passers-by.
Magical girl Xiaomi has connected the disappearance of her senior sister with the impact of the execution of engineering components. When these two things are connected in her brain, she cannot ignore them no matter what. In her own opinion, she cared more about it than the battle plans against the Nazis.
She must find out who is behind this, because this may be the key to saving something. As for what exactly she wanted to save and what could be saved, even she herself didn't know. Maybe it's just a senior? Maybe it's this joint space experimental fleet? Maybe the scope is larger, but it's hard to imagine that it's too big, and it can't possibly be related to "saving the world."
However, when she was trying to confirm where and who the enemy was, more and more of her companions either actively or forcedly stopped their activities and stopped thinking. Of course they are not dead yet, and they will still fight when necessary, just like they did in the past. From this perspective, this "enemy" hidden in the United Space Experiment Fleet may not be an outright enemy.
But, what is the position of this "enemy" who has caused the current situation within the Space Joint Experiment Fleet? What is the plan for all this? The other party obviously doesn't intend to let others know too much, and this kind of secrecy is what makes Xiaomei most uneasy.
As for the mysterious experts who have survived to this day, even if everyone has their own ideas, the actions taken in collective actions are by no means purely based on their own ideas. The method of gathering everyone's ideas and wisdom to find out and fill in the gaps has always been strictly followed. It cannot be said that the results are better than other methods, but from the facts, there is nothing wrong with this method.
It is not a special case for occult experts, occult organizations, all people and groups with the word "occult" to believe in and implement occultism. However, even though people in the past took this for granted, now that times have changed, Xiaomei doesn't feel that it is still right to do so.
Today, there is a guy who may or may not be an enemy, but he is still pursuing this kind of secrecy, which has seriously affected the interior of the Space Joint Experimental Fleet. Not to mention, there are fewer and fewer people who can think normally and provide suggestions nowadays. Once the situation continues to develop, in the end, everyone must implement someone¡¯s ideas.Arrive suddenly. What determines the fate of everyone is no longer their own thoughts, but the last remaining thoughts.
It may also be the idea of ??the mastermind himself.
Xiaomei is unwilling to put her future in the hands of this behind-the-scenes manipulator who pursues secrecy. Even if everything he sees before him is pain and suffering, he is like a boat in the tide and can only drift with the tide. But she also still wants to decide for herself, to a certain extent, how she should act. I also hope that others can express their thoughts and implement their own decisions.
She has various reasons to be dissatisfied with the actions of the mastermind behind the scenes.
However, before she found out this guy, she couldn't act too special to avoid being exposed to the other party's sight.
Even after becoming a mysterious expert, Xiaomei never thought that one day she would need to do something like a secret spy. And she had never had any experience doing this kind of thing. Those who have been accustomed to secrecy should easily adapt to avoidance and hiding. However, as a new generation of occult experts, she grew up in a semi-military organization that believes in collectivism, the "Magical Girl Crusade". I am not a secretist, but I am also consciously opposed to secrecy.
Therefore, when she had to reverse her past actions that were aboveboard and focused on disguising herself and screening out enemies in secret, she didn't have many ideas.
Before and after Xiaomei became a magical girl, she had cooperated with the maverick mysterious expert Mr. Gao Chuan. Because it was a special encounter and a special experience, the memory of that period was very deep, and it included her, Madoka and Gakushu. The three sisters also often paid attention to Gao Chuan's activities after joining the Magical Girl Crusade. For the three of them, Gao Chuan himself is a living teaching book for mysterious experts. When the three of them encounter difficulties, they often think about: What would Mr. Gao Chuan do if he encountered such a thing.
In Xiaomei¡¯s impression, the mysterious expert Gao Chuan himself is not a mystic. Although he is not a secretist, he is full of secrets. Although in her memory, Gao Chuan had experienced many head-on battles, what impressed her most was the way the other party remained silent.
Gao Chuan's silence does not seem to be hiding something, but rather like he is carrying something too heavy to tell others. Xiaomei feels that his personality may not be that introverted, but the things he needs to face force him to be like this. Of course, he is not someone who likes to remain silent, but at this time, Perhaps staying silent is the best thing to do.
There is no need to express yourself, and there is no need to deliberately hide yourself. Read more and speak less, and stay silent, as if you are just an inconspicuous screw in this mysterious group of experts that is constantly declining.
Xiaomei is neither a person who dislikes talking nor a person who particularly likes to talk. All her character expressions would not stand out among all high school girls, and she considers herself to be mediocre. When she deliberately spoke, she would feel uncomfortable. However, this discomfort was compared with the feeling when she deliberately did not speak, but it made her feel that it was better when she could speak.
Xiaomei doesn¡¯t know what other people feel when they deliberately remain silent. For her, this silence is like suppressing all the bad things in her heart, and she cannot release everything that makes her feel depressed. My own emotions and feelings will become extremely sensitive when I am silent. More than ever before, I can clearly feel the pain, madness and despair that permeate everything in front of me. All of this seems to be unable to be vented and accumulates more and more. The flood gave her a fear that sooner or later the dam in her heart would be washed away.
The more silent you are, the more clearly you can feel the pressure, the more clearly you can feel that some kind of terrible situation is approaching step by step.
It turns out that Mr. Gao Chuan fought in such a world and under such pressure? Xiaomei felt that she gradually understood why the other party was able to achieve some incredible achievements in the eyes of other mysterious experts. At the same time, after she got through the initial suffering caused by silence, she also began to realize that silence is poisonous.
When a person begins to be silent, endures the pressure of silence, and continues to extend the silence, it gradually becomes difficult to speak again. The things accumulated in my heart seem to have deteriorated in the process of silence, turning into things that cannot be expressed even if I open my mouth. They are so hard, so deep, and so complicated, even if I deliberately let others see them. When it comes to it, others can only see its surface and cannot understand what it has become to them.
This toxicity of silence will not only lead to disorders of the language system, but also disorders of the psychological and spiritual levels.When Mei felt this more and more clearly, she couldn't stop because, except for silence, she couldn't find a better way to hide her specialness.
Before she was eroded by the toxicity of silence, she couldn't help but speed up the investigation. She wants to hide herself, but she must do some more powerful temptations. The two are contradictory, and she must strike a balance in this contradiction.
She was the only one to act. Although she had thought about finding one or a few allies and telling them her worries and guesses in order to gain their cooperation, she still seemed able to think normally after trying this idea several times. After becoming a companion, he gave up.
The so-called "normal thinking" is also relative. As long as these companions' enthusiasm for "execution of engineering components" remains unchanged, and they still have the idea that they must rely on it to be able to face increasing pressure, as long as their vision of the Space Joint Experimental Fleet is still consistent in consciousness and behavior. , centered on the "Executive Engineering Component", many of their ideas and plans have always been deflected in Xiaomei's eyes.
Their seemingly "normal thinking" is just a skin, a part of the "Executive Engineering Component". The core of their thinking is not themselves, it is more like the "Executive Engineering Component" has replaced their brains.
No, rather, they are becoming part of the "Executive Engineering Component". Are the conclusions reached by those "normal thinking" coming from their ego, or from the executive engineering component hidden behind this "self"?
???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????: Is it the group of surviving mysterious experts who have formed themselves, or is it the mastermind represented by the "Executive Engineering Component"?
However, perhaps it is because most of the mysterious experts who are still active have stopped discussing it and are instead working around the "execution engineering component". Even if they don't communicate, they are as precise as machines. The decisions everyone makes and the ideas they implement are being combined in a highly efficient way, making the operation of the Space Joint Experiment Fleet smoother and smoother.
Xiaomei could clearly feel that the temporary cosmic joint experimental fleet she was in was transforming from a relatively scattered whole into a meticulously crafted individual in a more practical sense, and thus showed A more powerful and concentrated force than in its previous state.
The "three light-years" distance between the Nazi's lunar relay and the Space Joint Experiment Fleet due to the mystery of time and space brought sufficient time and opportunity for the transformation of the Space Joint Experiment Fleet. Just from the changes within the fleet that can be observed and felt in front of her, Xiaomei can say that she doesn't like it, or she doesn't think it is correct, but she cannot deny that such changes are not just what she thinks. The disadvantages are equally obvious.
After realizing this clearly, Xiaomei was finally able to silently examine the behavior of the mastermind from a more objective perspective.
However, this objective examination could not sway her to find out the other party's thoughts. This idea has nothing to do with the reason, but has become a deep-rooted goal in silence.