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- c_t;¡ª¡ªWho am I?
Whether it is in the past, present, or in the distant future, countless ancestors, sages, and idlers have thought this way. [], visit the latest chapter:.
There are countless answers, and there are countless answers. However, these answers are meaningless. They are just sparks of thinking based on the respondent's own world view, outlook on life, and values. They are just a summary and summary of his own thoughts. Every individual will have his or her own mind, whether it is a living thing or a dead thing, whether it is a fairy or a demon, this is the commonality of all thinkers.
It may be influenced by the outside world, but it will never be completely assimilated Otherwise, life will no longer be an individual.
Life is such a strange existence.
Thinking this way, maybe it doesn¡¯t matter who I am anymore. After all, from the time I think about this problem, ¡®I¡¯ have already existed here.
correct!
It may also be the case that the collection of ¡®I¡¯ in the eyes of many others is the world¡¯s definition of ¡®I¡¯.
It doesn¡¯t entirely belong to me, but it belongs to the vast majority of people¡¯s understanding of ¡®me¡¯ as an individual.
Although this ¡®I¡¯ is not me.
¡¡
¡¡
??Tear off a page from the calendar and start a new chapter.
Room 405, Xinjing Apartment, Sixth Avenue, Fenghua City.
It¡¯s not far from Fenghua Third People¡¯s Hospital and has convenient transportation.
Based on various considerations such as work location, traffic conditions and housing prices, many staff in the hospital choose to settle and live here temporarily. Alas, urban traffic is always a problem that makes people shake their heads and sigh, especially in the cities of China.
In the early morning, Mu Lian got up early.
After brushing her teeth, washing her face, and tidying up the room, she started a familiar day.
Not far from the door is the bus stop. When the bus stopped, a large group of people immediately crowded on it. Although the scene in front of her was already so familiar, the huge flow of people in the morning still gave her a secret headache.
She doesn¡¯t like this crowded environment.
Today is Sunday, and the weather is excellent. When I raise my head a little, the summer sun pierces the curtains and hurts my eyes. She squinted her eyes and moved her gaze to the other side of the road There were several young men and women wandering on the street. Three of the girls dressed themselves up beautifully.
In her confused eyes, someone waved to her.
"Hey, Mu Lian, aren't you on vacation today?" A very hot girl wearing hot pants and a vest held the hand of her boyfriend beside her and shouted towards her. This girl is about 165, not too tall, neither fat nor thin, and her figure is just right. The timidity of the past was completely gone on her little melon-shaped face, and her smile was as bright as a 'flower'.
"That's right, Mu Lian, are you confused by your sleep? Come on, come on, go back and change into cooler clothes. Today we are going to climb Wangye Mountain, and then we will have lunch at the tea restaurant 'Ming Juwu' on the mountainside. Hehe , the food there is super delicious, you should come too."
She recognized them at the scene. These three girls were her colleagues. They were so energetic now and they were so different from when they were in the hospital wearing white nurse uniforms that she didn't recognize them for a moment.
By the way, what are their names
forgotten?
have no idea?
Did not notice?
Forget it, just forget about it.
"That's right, it's a rare treat for Xiao Mu's boyfriend. You're welcome. Let's kill him as much as we want today, and actually take our lovely Xiao Mu away quietly Ah, what we did was really secretive, and we were not discovered until yesterday. We caught them on a date."
The two girls next to the couple started to make fun of each other, making the somewhat shy lovers feel embarrassed. To be honest, compared with Komaki, who is the senior in love, the two of them have their own merits. One is petite, cute and clingy, while the other is sunny, cheerful and hearty.
"It's you, I won't go today, I have something to do." She smiled gracefully, trying to 'blush' her way through. That's enough. If we continue talking, the secret will be revealed. It hurts to not even remember their names after working together for so long.
"Don't, it's rare to have a vacation. If you don't have fun, it would be a waste."
"That's right" The petite girl ran over, took her arm and shook her: "Xiao Lian, let's do it together."
"Well, there is really something going on today, and I am not just perfunctory with you~"
¡°I promised a person that I would take her to the park today.¡± She said with a smile.
ThatThe petite girl looked like you were bored, curled her lips and said: "Ah, I know, I know, it's the kid you're taking care of. By the way, what's the name of that little girl? , I remember the name is a bit strange"
Mu Lian¡¯s mouth curved slightly, and he immediately calmed down about not remembering his colleague¡¯s name. Look, this guy is like that too! She is no fool! Even if she is an idiot, she is not the only one
Mu Lian thought happily, then tapped his finger lightly on the petite girl's waist, and said: "Idiot, that girl's name is Fifth Liuyin. [] How can such a special name still work? forget¡¡"
"What does it matter? I'm not taking care of it anyway~"
She blinked her eyes coquettishly, and the petite girl continued to act coquettishly: "Xiao Lian, don't you have a rest today? There will be other nurses to take care of her. It doesn't matter if you miss her for a day. Okay, okay, let's go play together today, Just this time, no exceptions" The girl seemed to remember something in the middle of her sentence, and immediately shouted: "That's right! It's really strange to say that we have had five or six social gatherings before and after, but every time You were not even once!!!¡±
As she spoke, she bared her teeth and claws: "You are betraying the organization! God punishes you!!!"
"Don't make trouble." Feeling a little weak, he slapped the girl away from his body and stepped onto the bus in two steps~
"Let's talk about it next time, bye~"
Seeing how straightforward she was, a group of people looked at each other and sighed in unison.
"Forget it, let's go have fun ourselves."
"Oh, this is the only way. We must catch her well next time, and we can't give her another chance to escape!"
Mu Lian is very gentle. No matter who she talks to, she always speaks in a gentle voice. In the more than a year we have been together, it seems that she has never been angry. No, apart from her plain smile, her colleagues' impression of her was very weak.
¡¡
The bus is very crowded, and the stopping and stopping is really uncomfortable.
I even took out my mobile phone and started browsing
She doesn¡¯t care about the news or other national events. She just passes the time by scrolling through her phone. She has no interest in games that make young girls interested or even addicted Compared to the ordinary girl next to her who is browsing Taobao on her mobile phone to find accessories, her interests seem a bit narrow Well, there are some abnormalities!
Yes, abnormal!
Abnormal means different from ordinary people, different from normal people.
She can realize how unique her narrow, special interests are!
"However, abnormality is not something unacceptable. Maybeshe didn't think much about it.
Half an hour later, she finally left the irritating and uncomfortable bus and came to the hospital.
Fenghua First People's Hospital is a tertiary-level hospital located in the suburbs near Sixth Avenue in Fenghua City. It has a good reputation throughout the country. She became a nurse in this hospital, which was also a job that other girls envied.
After saying hello to her colleagues, she walked directly to the inpatient department.
The corridors of the hospital are always neat and clean, and every once in a while, there will be dedicated personnel to clean them.
Butalong with cleanliness and hygiene is the unpleasant smell!
The smell of disinfectant is pungent and unpleasant!
Logically speaking, having been a nurse for more than a year, she should be used to this smell, or even take it for granted.
However, it is not.
She hates this smell!
¡¡
Fenghua First People¡¯s Hospital.
A ray of sunlight shines through the gap in the curtains, and in the dust-free room, you can't even see any halo made of tiny particles.
A neat ward, a white world!
The ward is elegant and white, with a hospital bed in the center of the room.
She came to the bed and opened the white curtains. The morning sunlight poured in, giving the whole room a warm glow. The bright light reflected on the face of the girl on the bed, leaving a bit of warmth.
The little patient in this room is a beautiful little girl, fourteen years old, with a thin pretty face. I don't know if it was due to lack of exercise, but her skin, which should have been tender and tender, now looked sickly pale.
As the light fell, her eyes trembled slightly, but she did not make any reaction.
Lying straight on the hospital bed, like a living corpse.
"Xiaoyin, get up. The weather is very good today, we are going to go out to bask in the sun~~" As usual, dressed in whiteMu Lian, dressed as a nurse, came in pushing the dining cart: "Xiaoyin, please be good. Sister will help you clean it. You have to brush your teeth later."
After gently stopping the dining car, she came to the girl who was too quiet and gently shook her awake.
In her expectant eyes, the little girl opened her eyes and nodded towards her. Thenshe just looked at her expressionlessly, without even blinking her eyes, looking straight at her.
"Well, good boy, good boy~" Mu Lian took out a new hospital gown and gently 'touched' her little head.
She is already familiar with this child's reaction, and she can turn a blind eye to even this abnormal behavior.
Perhaps, in her eyes, this is the most normal reaction. Mu Lian calls it: Xiaoyin's early reaction.
Brush your teeth, wash your face carefully put on the clean hospital gown for her.
Everything is so ordinary and so skillful, as if it has been demonstrated thousands of times without missing a beat.
??And the fact is, this is also the case.
¡¡
Pushing the wheelchair through the pale corridor.
The nurses along the way would sometimes joke, and some patients who had been in the hospital for a long time also smiled.
These two are very interesting.
¡°One is a patient and the other is a nurse, and their relationship is just that.
But why does it look so coordinated?
"Xiaoyin, what do you want to eat today? Can I buy you Xiaolongbao? It's delicious~~"
In the park, Mu Lian was sitting on a bench, dazed with the girl in the wheelchair. Only when her stomach growled did she remember that she hadn't eaten breakfast yet. Shaking her head angrily, she asked the girl next to her.
Hehe, Xiaoyin was brought out early by her, and she also didn¡¯t have breakfast~
""
The girl nodded expressionlessly.
"Well, I'll buy it right away."
The girl¡¯s reaction was the same as before, quiet and silent.
¡¡
"Xiaoyin, come and eat this."
""
"Xiaoyin, these buns are also very good,"
""
"Well, the xiaolongbao is indeed the best."
""
One feeds and the other eats, and the two of them perform daily scenes in the park.
"Hey, Xiaoyin"
¡°¡¡± The girl glanced at her with some confusion.
"You said, do people need a reason to live?"
"You need itI think you need it. Even if you don't have one, you have to find one~"
She put down the bun in her hand, walked behind Xiaoyin, hugged her gently, and whispered in her ear: "Xiaoyin, set a goal for yourself, no matter it is good or bad, no matter how great or small you are a human being If you do, you always need a goal.¡±
"" The girl did not speak, and even the calm luster in her eyes did not change.
She didn¡¯t look into the girl¡¯s eyes. The scene in her eyes had never changed, she knew.
She just whispered in her ear, hoping that Xiaoyin could stay some more time.
Inexplicably, she knew that an important moment was coming.
"If you have a goal, you can live on, even if it's just one more day, Xiaoyin."
¡¡
From 1 hour to noon, the number of people in the park decreased, and the blazing summer heat was still uncomfortable.
After Xiaoyin finished her lunch, Mu Lian pushed her towards the ward.
She was scolded by the nurse on duty afterwards
¡¡
At noon, when she returned home, she lay aimlessly on the bed.
Compared to a young girl, this room is too simple. There are no cute pendants on the bedside, no furry dolls, and there are not a lot of various clothes in the cupboard next to the bed.
Except for the sound coming from the TV, there is not much flavor of life here.
¡®What are everyone else doing at home? ¡¯
¡®Are they all so boring¡¯
¡®For other people, what do they do when they go out? ¡¯
¡®Walking around, watching TV, surfing the Internet, chattingwon¡¯t they feel empty? ¡¯ Mu Lian touched his empty heart and thought carefully with doubts.
¡®Let¡¯s go to the hospital in the middle of the night, Xiaoyin¡¯
Lying on the bed in a daze, she said to herself in her heart The originally empty heart became much better.
¡®As long as she leaves my sight, I feel so empty. ¡¯
What do people do when they are alone?
I think many people will recall - recall the past, recall the past.
Good memories, or memories that make you heartache.
??Do you feel lonely when you are away from the crowd and alone?
You will.
?????????????? When you feel lonely, do you try to remember and seek solace in your own memory?
Maybe that memory is not good, it may even make people sad.
But, this memory is the most beautiful treasure of 'human beings'!
It is a very important part of the existence of the individual ¡®I¡¯.
"Where is my past"
Holding his head, Mu Lian tried to think back.
When will she be happy?
When will she feel sad?
When did she meet whom?
When did she experience what?
when¡¡
She would feel happy when she saw Xiaoyin being helped to go to the toilet shyly; she would feel sad when she saw Xiaoyin lying motionless; in the morning, when she rushed to see Xiaoyin, would someone be by her side? ;Last week, the head nurse wanted her to take care of another patient, but she declinedmany things, many, many things.
Xiaoyin Xiaoyin Xiaoyin Xiaoyin Xiaoyin Xiaoyin.
It¡¯s full of them!
For other people, other normal people, this memory may be pale and weird.
"But, even though it is so weird, I"
I kept covering my heart, which was always warm.
This is her abnormality.
The person named Fifth Liuyin took up her memory and her life so much that there was no room for anything else.
Time spent in ordinary daily life
Every day, every day, is spent like this.
???????????????I come to the ward every morning and help her get up.
Sometimes I would stay with her until noon and take her back to the ward.
Sometimes I would stay with her all day long until late at night.
During this period, people at the hospital thought about letting others take care of the girl, but they were inadvertently taken over by Makuren. When others reacted, Mu Lian's care for Xiaoyin seemed to be a fixed pattern and would not change.
¡¡
She only knew that she needed to stay with Xiaoyin, look at this girl, and stay with her.
As for why?
¡®Ah, I can¡¯t think of a reason¡ It seems that there is no such thing as a reason. ¡¯
¡¡
¡¡
In the early morning, the green trees outside the window stretched out their branches and shone brightly under the bright light.
It rained last night and didn¡¯t stop until early in the morning. There were still small puddles on the road.
"Xiaoyin, why are you always looking out the window recently? Is there anything you like?"
When the curtain came, Xiaoyin had already gotten up. She was half leaning on the bed, looking out the window in a daze.
¡°¡¡±
"Forget it, let's change clothes first, then brush your teeth and wash your face, and I'll take you out for a walk today." Mu Lian didn't care very much. He took the hospital gown and looked at the girl's thin and weak body.
She closed the door to her room and took off Xiaoyin's clothes. Her body was very thin, and her hands and legs were covered with scars. Both legs were so thin that the joints were exposed, the meridians of both arms were broken, and he could no longer lift his strength. There was a red mark on her white neck, where she had cut her throat. And on the lower abdomen, which should have been white and soft, there were many scalpel marks and hideous wounds that had been healed by the insertion holes.
"Xiaoyin, the wound has healed, Xiaoyin can live. Everything will pass, everything is in the past, and this moment is also in the past." The girl put on her clothes under her swing, her expression a little confused.
Mu Lian stopped his movements in a daze, and it wasn't until Xiaoyin looked at her in confusion that she smiled: "Maybe I was wrong Since Xiaoyin has decided, let's do it. No matter it is now or that moment, you will never be alone, this is my promise."
¡¡
It has been raining continuously lately, which makes people unhappy.
Hold up the umbrella, and the curtain will support youGetting on and off the wet bus.
She did not go home directly, but took a leisurely stroll on the street.
¡®Why are these people in such a hurry to go home? ¡¯
¡®Is there anything worth missing at home? ¡¯
'don't know¡¡'
Looking at the crowds passing by, Mu Lian tilted his head in annoyance.
Homethat room?
¡°Well, it doesn¡¯t mean anything special to her.
That night, she walked for a long time and finally stopped at a pavilion.
Leaning against the cold pillar, she looked outside the pavilion.
??In the night, it is foggy and rainy on a summer night. In the hazy rain and mist, huge water droplets fall down, shining brightly under the street lights.
¡®The rain is beautiful? ¡¯
Yes.
It doesn¡¯t seem to be the case Mu Lian tasted the taste in his heart carefully, there was nothing special about it.
¡®Xiaoyin¡ Just as this rain is interesting to some people, Xiaoyin is also interesting to her. Although it is very problematic to regard one as one's own interest, in one's heart, that is how it is. The only thing he really cared about was that person. ¡¯
¡®There is no particular reason, the answer has already existed since I started thinking about this question. ¡¯
¡®Perhaps all this is abnormal in the eyes of others, but in my heart, it is so ordinary. ¡¯
Thinking about it, she gently closed her eyes and took a nap.
¡®After daybreak, let¡¯s go find her again¡¡¯
¡¡¡¡
The rain on a summer night comes and goes in a hurry, and at midnight, the thick rain clouds disperse.
In the distant sky, a full moon hangs.
Suddenly, Mu Lian opened his eyes.
She clenched her fists and quickly left the pavilion.
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