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2158 Ideological Attack

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    The worst situations I encounter at any time are always attacks on consciousness, thought, and logic.  Most of these attacks are invisible, and it is difficult to confirm when they started and when they ended. There is no clear turning point in the entire process.  When you start to feel fearful, frustrated and desperate, when your thoughts start to swell, your thinking starts to become confusing, and your emotions start to fluctuate, it is difficult to stop just by saying you want to stop.  It is precisely because I have experienced it so many times that I understand better that there are complex and systematic hierarchical divisions between people's "inside" and "outside", and subjective consciousness has never been able to penetrate deep into the self.  And this situation is never as described in the story, nor is it a "bad" thing as people often imagine.

    Maybe many people feel that "implementing self-awareness into every cell" or "subjectively controlling every part of the mind and body" is a powerful expression.  However, I feel that it should be a manifestation of inhumanity and an important basis for distinguishing between "human" and "inhuman".  It is impossible for "human beings" to completely control their own consciousness and eliminate the dividing line between their subconscious and superficial consciousness. Nor can they only think and do what they want, as described in the novel, and completely lose their subjectivity.  Consciousness, subconsciousness and behavior become a unity, achieving what is called "the unity of knowledge and action" in philosophy in a complete sense.

    Yes, humans can¡¯t do it. Only non-humans can do it. When humans can do it, humans are no longer humans.  And this is not a conceptual problem, but a more objective structural problem.  In terms of human structure, from atoms and even sub-atoms to the quantum structural level, as well as the macroscopic coordination between man and the universe, as well as the social nature between people, human existence does not have the complete "cooperation of knowledge and action" from the foundation.  The condition of "one" does not meet the condition of complete "thought access". Self-awareness and personality structure show obvious stratification, which is determined by the constituent factors and basic structure of human beings themselves. It is the reason why "human beings"  One of the important characteristics of human beings.

    It is impossible to achieve the complete integration of those ideals in consciousness and behavior in philosophy without changing its own basic structure and basic components.  And once the basic structural factors are changed, for example, it is no longer a carbon base, it becomes something else, or it is something that cannot be naturally generated at all. For example, it is no longer the existing bones, nerves, internal organs, or even the brain.  structure and become other structures. Changes in this basic structure and factors will definitely lead to changes in self-ideology.

    On the other hand, just because my own basic structure and constituent factors are like this, there is an inevitable law, a limited outline, and certain fixed patterns in my own self-awareness activities.  My ideology and personality mechanism are firmly limited to a framework. It can be smaller than this framework, but it is absolutely impossible to exceed this framework unless I make more fundamental changes from my fundamental nature.

    I am a patient with doomsday syndrome, which no longer needs to be defended. Moreover, whether in the reality of the hospital or in the fantasy of doomsday, my body parts and physiological functions are quite different from those of ordinary people.  In my understanding, the pathological changes caused by the "virus" are caused from an extremely detailed perspective, from a microscopic level that is difficult to observe. Even so, when it is not from the quantum level or the subatomic level,  To observe, but to observe from the level of cellular genes, I still have great similarities with "human beings" in the normal sense.

    It is these similarities that make my self-awareness and personality structure different from those of ordinary people, but they also have many similarities to humans.

    In my opinion, it is wrong to separate spirit and matter, and to regard "ideological spirit" and "ideology" as independent things to view their changes.  But even if we observe ourselves, emotions, thoughts, thinking, personality, consciousness activities these things observed from a spiritual perspective, they have not completely transcended the "human" framework. On the contrary, most of them are still within this framework.  within the framework.

    "Whether it is in the reality of the hospital or in the doomsday fantasy, there is some kind of force that erodes the patient's self at all times, especially in the doomsday fantasy, this situation is more obvious.

    Every thought I have, every pursuit of self-consistency from a logical level, every struggle to wake up from a nightmare, every self-observation and self-judgment are never ¡°correct¡±.  Rather, I myself cannot judge at all whether what I think, or even the thoughts, emotions, and self-understanding I have is ¡°correct.¡±  Because there is no most correct template to refer to.  And my observation and adjustment of self-awareness has never been for the sake of "correctness", but only for "continuation".

    OnceEmotions are out of control, once thinking reaches a dead end, and once consciousness falls into extreme madness and despair, it means that self-awareness is undergoing a great test.  Emotional adjustment cannot be achieved every time. In your own observations, your own thoughts may be contradictory, your thoughts may expand, or other changes may occur, which are beyond your control.  And in this situation where it is impossible to defend in time and it is difficult to avoid repeated erosion, all I can do is to maintain a self-consistent logic and allow myself to accept the various changes that have occurred in my consciousness, no matter they are good.  , or it may be bad.

    Among the many occult experts I have met, there are many who have strong willpower and can achieve the unity of knowledge and action to a certain extent, but they are all dead, crazy, and fall into the doomsday truth.  Different people have different explanations for this situation, and in my opinion, this is the result of their inability to complete ideological adaptation and logical self-consistency within a limited time and within the existing self-framework.  When their own ideologies and ideological philosophies change, they are left with only two options: "self-destruction" and "accepting the doomsday truth."  Their seemingly depraved position is actually, in many cases, just a matter of survival, and they choose to accept the doomsday truth. This choice in favor of the latter has nothing to do with their subjective consciousness, regardless of their subjective will.  No matter how powerful the power is, no matter how much resistance is given to the doomsday truth, it is useless. "It is impossible for a person to integrate his subjective consciousness and subconscious mind, and it is impossible to integrate all consciousness and completely integrate it with his own behavior." This is the basis of human beings.  The most basic framework of conscious activities determined by structure is the decisive factor.

    Just like human nerve reflexes, in an extreme environment, under the attack that their thinking logic and ideology are under, they have to slip in the direction of the doomsday truth.

    The reason why I have been able to persist longer than other patients with doomsday syndrome is, in my own opinion, precisely because I tried to create the second one before I was left with only two options: "self-destruction" and "accepting the truth of doomsday".  Three options, or in other words, before falling to the step of "self-destruction", I had already struggled with my ideology and thinking logic in order not to eventually fall to this point.

    This is a very complicated situation that I have not yet studied clearly.  I am just very sure that my thinking about mystery, my observation of myself, my pursuit of ideas, and my pursuit of philosophy, no matter whether it is passive or active, or negative or active, in the eyes of others, this  The behavior itself is not the pursuit of "correctness", but just to protect oneself ideologically.

    My thoughts are constantly expanding, even when I am fighting. It is undeniable that this will inevitably affect my behavior to be slower than normal, my reactions are not timely enough, and my thinking will be messy, full of contradictions, and produce weird behaviors. These are all  It¡¯s understandable, and it will definitely happen.  Strictly speaking, it may even endanger your own life.  In the eyes of many people, this is definitely a shackles, a bad performance, and of no benefit.

    I thought so at first, but when I had to think, instinctively, and constantly think about issues such as "the meaning of my thinking behavior at this moment", I finally came to the conclusion that those thinking results may  It may be ridiculous, it may be absurd, it may be meaningless, but the act of "thinking" itself is of great significance. It can even be said that the phenomenon of "uncontrollable expansion of thinking" is not entirely bad. It is also of great significance to  The maintenance of self-existence and cognition is of extremely important significance.

    It is through these involuntary thinking activities that are full of disadvantages that when I feel my own "deterioration", I can also maintain a state of self-awareness that "I am still Gao Chuan and have not become anything else."

    To put it more simply: As Gao Chuan, whether it is the transformation of my material form into a ll or the deterioration of my spiritual consciousness, it is extremely bad. However, there must be worse situations. However, in the end, I am just "bad" and  I was hovering on the edge of "the worst", and I didn't fall into the "worst" situation. It was entirely thanks to my seemingly morbid thinking.

    "Compared with the "worse" and "worst" situations that can be vaguely guessed, my current vicious reaction is actually a relatively good situation.

    I can maintain my current self in thinking and prevent myself from falling into a worse situation. This is the most meaningful result achieved by those thinking activities that seem to be self-deceptive and pretentious.  On the other hand, if I had stopped thinking, stopped being logically self-consistent, and stopped desperately and ridiculously trying to find meaning from the unknown struggle, then I would have probably collapsed and given up hope long ago.  Already, I have long fallen into the extreme madness and fear and lost my mind. Or, it is no longer "Gaochuan" but someone else.It's something.

    All the thoughts mentioned above were all carried out during the battle, and this kind of thinking itself is my observation of myself.  Through such thinking activities, I shrink myself from the spiritual level and become stronger, so that I will not be knocked down by despair, madness and fear.  In this process of thinking and self-observation, I suffered more injuries than before, but as long as I didn't die, I think this choice was the right one.

    In the battles that I experienced that were filled with mysterious forces, being killed on the physical level was completely different from being destroyed mentally and physically by a force that directly impacted the ideology.  From the perspective of "Gaochuan", even if I am annihilated by these chaotic mysterious phenomena here, or even torn apart by Nazi soldiers and security guards, it is just the death of "me", and "Gaochuan" will still exist.  .  However, once my mental personality collapses, it is unpredictable what negative impact it will have on the ideology of "Gaochuan".

    ??What does a person¡¯s real death look like?  The ancients said that it is forgotten.

    ??What does death look like to a modern person?  Many people thought it turned into a corpse.

    But, for me, ideological self-destruction is the real death.  And in this battlefield full of mysteries, all attacks against ideology and thinking logic, these invisible attacks that don¡¯t know where they start and end, are the truly terrifying attacks.

    The ancients once said that all struggles involving thoughts and ideologies are the truly cruel struggles, which are more decisive and thorough than the destruction of Japan. I also think so.

    What I am facing now is such a cruel and thorough battle. What is really going to kill me is not the injuries to the body or the mysterious phenomena that can destroy the body, nor the Nazi soldiers and security guards visible to the naked eye, nor the  The conspiracy of the Doomsday Truth Cult, and these grand rituals that turn every participant into a part and sacrifice.  Rather, there are invisible and formless things hidden in these behavioral appearances that are eroding me like the spring breeze and drizzle, trying to destroy self-awareness from my spiritual thoughts and ideologies.

    I was bleeding, injured, some internal organs were pierced, some limbs were cut off, and I was so critical that my head wouldn't fall off, or I was blind, my ears were injured, I couldn't hear the sound, or even, violently  The pain always spreads on my nerves, any hallucinations appear in my mind, I make mistakes, and other tangible harms are not that scary to me.

    What really scares me is the changes in my own consciousness and thoughts that I have noticed, as well as the changes in self-perception that I have derived from self-observation.

    I don't mind how many enemies I kill, or where I will be killed by these enemies. What I mind is that there is some kind of power here that is trying to separate "I" from "Gaochuan" and become someone.  something independent.  (https:)
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